Lost 'Til We Are Found
by HoppyToad
Summary: When her relationship with Carter falls apart and he leaves Chicago, Abby convinces herself that it was the right decision. Later when she discovers she is pregnant, she receives support from an unlikely source.
1. Chapter 1

It was starting to rain, just a few stray drops so far, but judging by how black the sky had suddenly turned, it was only a matter of time before they were caught in the middle of a full blown thunderstorm. Carter didn't know why he was surprised, it was typical of how things had been going lately that a pivotal dramatic moment like this should be punctuated with dark clouds and howling winds. Maybe the hospital roof hadn't been the best place to have this conversation.

Abby hadn't said anything since he'd finished his side of the story and that was at least ten minutes ago. All she had done is light up a cigarette, despite his disapproving glance, and stared out over the city.

The silence was starting to get to him so he decided to risk speaking. "I'm sorry." He wished there was something else he could say, something other than apologizing, something that wouldn't lead to her trying to push him off the building. He had never wanted them to end up here, this was actually what he'd been trying to avoid but as usual it had all backfired. He'd been too much of a coward to be honest with her and now he'd only ended up hurting her more.

"You're sorry?" At least she was still talking to him, even if it was in that incredulous tone. She took another drag, exhaling slowly. "Is that all you're gonna say, that you're sorry?"

He knew the answer to that question should be no, but there was anger in her voice now and he preferred to have her yelling at him than letting the silence continue, so he just shrugged. It worked like a charm, though maybe a little too well.

"Six months, six fucking months. Was it all just a joke to you? Let's make Abby trust me, then just fuck her." She'd moved away from the edge of the building and was now pacing around in small circles.

He changed his mind about preferring her to be mad and decided to argue his case. "No, it wasn't like that." He took a step towards her but she immediately backed away.

"Then what was it like, Carter?"

Carter. That made him flinch. It'd been John for the past six months, most of the time anyway, but now he was back to being Carter. He retreated to staring at the floor, trying to think of how he could explain things further without pissing her off more than he already had. So far he wasn't succeeding. He tried for another minute then gave up, turning back to face her to find her still waiting for that explanation he couldn't seem to give her. She was standing with her arms wrapped around herself, as if that alone could protect her from being hurt anymore. She seemed to realise that he had nothing to say and turned to leave.

He might not have know what to say but he did know he didn't want her to leave, so he reached out, grabbing her arm and spinning her back round to face him. "Abby, wait."

He guessed she didn't appreciate being manhandled as she shot him a murderous look and pulled free of his grasp. "Is there a reason why I should?"

"Because I love you." He knew it was a mistake before he said it, but he had nothing else left to offer her. He was still surprised though when she slapped him.

"How the hell can you stand there and say something like that?"

"Because it's true." It might not be the best answer but at least he was being honest now, though he doubted that would mean much to her and he can't really blame her for that.

She was practically laughing. "Right, you love me. That explains everything. Why you applied for a job in LA and didn't tell me. Why you starting taking drugs again and didn't think that was important enough to share with me."

"Once, I slipped up once."

"And that makes it okay?"

He sighed, shoved his hands into his pockets and shook his head. "No, it doesn't," he conceded. "But Abby..."

She held up a hand, cutting him off. "Don't, just don't."

She once again turned to leave and this time he let her. She disappeared inside just as the storm finally hit.

* * *

"You had no right to tell her." Carter slipped out of his jacket, throwing it over the arm of Susan's sofa, childishly not caring if it dripped a pool of rainwater onto her carpet. He slumped down onto the couch and sighed.

Susan entered from the kitchen, bearing two cups of coffee and offered him one. "If you'd done it yourself, I wouldn't have had to."

"I would have told her if you'd given me time." He accepted the coffee, half-emptying the mug immediately.

"I gave you time. What were you planning to do, tell her in a phonecall from the plane to LA?"

He scowled at her. "I would have told her."

"Maybe, but Abby's my friend. I wasn't going to lie to her. She deserved to know the truth. If you didn't want me to say anything, you shouldn't have told me."

"_I'm_ your friend. I thought I could trust you." He wasn't really angry at Susan and his efforts at pretending to be were half-hearted. In a way he was glad she'd told Abby. Despite what he'd just claimed, he might very well just made a run for LA.

"You can." Susan dropped down into one of the armchairs, sliding her mug onto the coffee table. "And if the situation had been reversed, if Abby had been lying to you, I'd have told you the truth."

"That means so much to me," he muttered, wondering why he had ever thought coming over to Susan's was a good idea.

She shrugged, then asked, "How mad was she?"

"Pretty mad." It was an understatement but he knew Susan would guess as much.

"Well, I can't say I blame her."

"I never meant to hurt her." He downed the rest of his drink, placing the empty cup next to Susan's.

"I know that, but did you tell Abby?"

He leant forward, resting his head in his hands. "Kind of. I don't think I did a good job of explaining things."

"Then try again."

He didn't see Abby readily giving him that chance. "You think she'll even talk to me?"

She shrugged again and it was starting to annoy him. "You've gotta try."

"Maybe it's not worth it."

Apparently she wasn't in the mood for his self-pitying attitude. "For god's sake, Carter, grow up. I know this is your first adult relationship but you can't just throw it all away because it gets a little difficult." She folds her arms. "Life's complicated, Carter, get used to it."

"You think I don't know that? I think I probably know that better than you do."

She sighed, collapsed back into the chair, her tone softening as she apologised, "I'm sorry. I just don't want to see you give up so easily."

"I've really screwed things up, haven't I?"

"Maybe they're not as bad as you think."

"I think we both know they are and you're really not very good at comforting people, are you?"

"I can offer ice cream if that would help."

"Strangely I don't think it would." He leant back, resting his head on the sofa. "They offered me the job in LA."

"I take it you're going to accept?"

"There's nothing here for me now."

"Apart from family, friends."

"All people I've let down. I can't face them."

"They'd understand."

"Would they? I was clean for two years. They wouldn't understand why I'd throw everything away like that. Hell, I don't understand it."

"You made a mistake."

"Yeah, but they're always gonna be wondering, you know. If I'm still using, whispering behind my back. I don't think I could handle that."

"And what about, Abby?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't know."

* * *

At least it wasn't raining this time. It wasn't much of a comfort but he'll take whatever he can. He wasn't sure why he'd asked her to meet him here, at their bench. Right now all it was doing is bringing back memories he'd rather not think about. He'd waited fifteen minutes and had just about given up hope when he spotted her walking down the steps. He stood up as she approached. "I didn't think you'd come."

Abby joined him, leaning against the railing, her back to him. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Maybe cause you've spent the past week avoiding me and ignoring my phonecalls."

Abby shrugged. "I nearly didn't show, but seeing as it's your last night in Chicago, I figured I'd hear you out. You sounded like crap in your message." There was a coldness to her voice that left him unsettled, a feeling not helped by the fact he was the reason for it.

They were silent for a moment, he guessed she had nothing to say and he didn't know what to say. She hadn't even looked at him, she was just staring down at the water but he knew she would listen, she wouldn't have come otherwise. "I wanted to explain things, better than I did last time, but I'm just not sure I can."

"I'm not sure you need to." She glanced back at him. "You took drugs. I get that, Carter. What I don't get is why you couldn't tell me about it."

He wished he had an answer for her but he doesn't, so he just let her continue. "What does that say about us, about our relationship? To me it says we were just kidding ourselves."

He thought she was wrong, hell he knew she was wrong, but he didn't have the strength to argue with her, not when it wouldn't achieve anything. "You understand why I can't stay here though, right? Why I've got to leave?"

"Because you're a coward? You'd rather run than face up to things."

"I can't stay at County anymore, not after this. Everyone will just be waiting for me to screw up again. You know they will."

She turned to face him. "And what about me? I wasn't important enough to involve in this decision?"

"I was going to tell you, but every time I tried, I just couldn't do it, let you down like that. You'd only just gotten sober again, I didn't want you to have to deal with my problem as well."

"That should have been my decision to make."

"I know, I just didn't want to hurt you."

"Well, nice job, Carter." The sarcasm was an improvement on the coldness but not by much. "If Susan hadn't have told me, would you ever have?"

"I wanted to wait, til I heard about the Los Angeles job. I wouldn't have left without saying anything, you know I wouldn't have done that."

"Do I? I'm not sure I know you anymore." She sighed. "Maybe I never did."

"That's not true." He moved to stand beside her. "You know me better than anyone."

She surprised him by moving closer to him and reaching out, placing a hand on his chest. "Then stay. I'm asking you to stay."

"I can't. I need a fresh start, away from here." He risked slipping his hands around her waist and thankfully she didn't pull away. "Come with me." He shocked both of them. It wasn't something he had ever planned on asking her, though he didn't know why.

She continued to stare at him, then eventually shook her head. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"I can't just pack everything up and move to California. We're not kids anymore, Carter."

"What is there keeping you here?"

"What is there for me in LA?"

"Me." He didn't expect it to change her mind, but it did earn him a laugh, though there was no happiness in it.

"And what do I do when we break up?"

"Never happen."

"Never happen? What do you think we're doing now?"

"So we're going through a rough patch." He hoped she wouldn't call him on his lie. "Every couple has them. I promise you, Abby, you come to LA, we'll make this work."

"It took us forever to get together and we break up after six months? You can't make promises like that." She pulled away from him. "This just isn't the right time for us."

"So that's it? I can't stay in Chicago, you won't move to LA, so it's over?"

"Looks like it. A clean break, right?"

"I didn't mean from you."

"I know, but..."

"It'll be easier this way?"

She nodded. "Pretty much. Might hurt for a while but we'll get over it, right?"

"After everything we've been through, I can't believe we're doing this."

"Me neither. You'd better go before one of us changes their mind."

He'd fight for this if she said it was what she wanted, but she didn't though. He leant in and kissed her. When he felt her respond, it was almost enough to make him stay, but he managed to pull away. She must have closed her eyes when he had kissed her as they were still closed now. With a last look at her, he slowly walked away without another word, without looking back.


	2. Chapter 2

Abby barrelled into the lounge, muttering under her breath, cursing men in general, Carter in particular, and throwing a few insults about poor genes in Maggie's direction for good measure.

Five weeks late. It just didn't happen. Three weeks and she could bury herself in the denial that it was simply stress, high levels of stress from her boyfriend up and moving to the other side of the country. Four weeks, she went with shock, followed swiftly by ignoring the problem in the hope it'd go away. However five weeks and she'd been forced to move onto acceptance.

She opened her locker and throws the grocery bag inside. She might have bought the pregnancy test but it didn't mean she was going to rush to have her answer. She had a fair idea what it would be anyway. "Idiot." She decided to try and take some out some of her latent anger on her locker and slammed it shut.

"Something wrong?" She turned to see Luka hovering in the doorway. He'd picked a bad time to walk into the lounge but she held back from insulting him, and managed to bite out, "I'm fine."

"Problem with your locker then?" He hadn't moved and he was blocking her escape route.

"Something like that."

He stayed where he was and said, "Abby, I'm sorry to hear about you and Carter. You deserve to be happy."

She didn't agree with him, and judging by her recent run of bad luck neither does Karma. "Yeah, I need to get to work." She gestured past him towards the ER.

"Right." He did stand aside but as she passed him, he put a hand on her arm. "If you need to talk..." He trailed off, letting his hand drop back to his side.

"Thanks." She briefly considered taking him up on that. It might be a little awkward, but at least she knew he wouldn't jump to tell Carter the news. She was about to say something when she had this sudden vision of him dropping to one knee, asking her to marry him and raise the baby as his, so no, maybe not. "I'll be fine."

He nodded and opened the door for her. "If you change your mind, you know where I am."

She did but she can't see herself changing her mind anytime soon. It was her problem and she'd deal with it on her own, she did it last time and she could do so again.

* * *

It was the silence she remembered most about the last time. There was a silence that hung over the room, each woman desperately avoiding eye contact with everyone else. Abby closed her eyes and leant back in her chair. She'd rushed into this decision, she knows that. She'd just been worried she'd change her mind if she didn't go through with it straight away.

However she was being haunted by memories of last time, and it'd only gotten worse since stepping foot inside the waiting room. Last time she'd known it was the right decision. It had still nearly killed her, but it had been the right thing to do. She still believed that. She just wished she could be as sure this time. In theory it should be an easier choice. She'd be a single mom, she was barely sober, but it was Carter's child and that makes all the difference.

She still couldn't tell him though. He'd jump on a plane, come straight back to Chicago, throw away his fresh start, all because of her. She'd give him six months before he resented her for that and left again.

If she kept the baby, she'd have everybody at County to deal with. They might appear supportive, but there'd always be those whispers behind her back. And there was Susan, whom she suspects would immediately phone Carter and tell him everything.

Vaguely aware of someone calling her name, she opened her eyes and blinked, trying to focus. "Abigail Lockhart?"

She stood up, grabbed her purse and crossed the room towards where the nurse was waiting.

"Hi, I'm Amy. If you wanna follow me, we'll go through and get you ready."

Abby hesitated, and she makes her final decision. "I can't do this."

The nurse nodded. "Okay, come through and we can talk about it."

"No, I'm ok. I just need to go."

Other than a halfhearted attempt to call her back, the nurse made no real effort to stop her leaving.

She hurried down the corridor, keeping her eyes to the ground, and rounding a corner crashed straight into someone.

"Hey, take it easy!"

Not even looking up, Abby mumbled, "sorry", stepped to the side and then continued walking.

"Abby?"

And she'd done so well so far at not being spotted by anyone she knew. She paused, taking a moment to compose herself before turning around, and almost groaned when she found herself face to face with Dave Malucci. "Hey, Dave."

"Hey. How you doing?"

She managed a fake smile, but couldn't bring herself to simply run away. "I'm fine. You?"

"Yeah. I'm good."

There was an uncomfortable silence and Abby thought maybe she'd get away with a 'nice to see you' and then leave, but Dave seemed to have other ideas. "So…what brings you to Northwestern? Finally looking to escape County?"

"Sorry, Dave, I'm kinda in a hurry." She noticed an unreadable look in Malucci's eyes, but it was soon gone and he was back to the old Dr Dave.

He nodded. "Yeah, it's cool. Good to see you, Abby. You look after yourself."

"You too." As she started to walk away from him, she felt a little guilty for not being more friendly.

"Abby?"

She stopped again and turned around. "Yeah?"

"You maybe wanna go grab a cup of coffee?" He shrugged. "The cafeteria here serves stuff you can actually drink."

Abby studied him for a moment, surprised. "Erm…well."

"If you're busy, it's ok. Just thought you might like the chance to be seen in public with me again. I know you must miss me at County."

"Drinkable coffee, you say?" She doesn't exactly have any place to rush to and a distraction from her problems might actually do her some good.

"Yep. I'll even pay."

"In that case, I'm in."

"Knew you couldn't resist the Dr Dave charm." He walked beside her as they moved towards the elevator. "What woman can?"

* * *

"So, how is everyone at County?" Dave joined Abby at the table, sliding onto the chair opposite her. He passed her one of the cups of coffee. What he really wants to ask is what she was doing up in OB, but he doubts he'd get an answer, so he decided to start with the small talk.

She cradled the Styrofoam cup in her hands. "Mostly they're good. Lot of new faces though. Lot of people moved on."

He paused, debating whether to raise a depressing topic when she wasn't exactly in the happiest of moods to begin with but he risked it. "I heard about Dr Greene. He was a good guy." She nodded but didn't speak and he took it as a sign to change the subject. "I miss it sometimes, County. But it's not too bad here."

"You down in the ER?"

"Where else?"

"What took you up to OB? Checking on a patient?"

"Actually," he leaned closer to her, lowering his voice, "there's this hot doc up there who's..."

She cut him off. "I get the picture." She gingerly took a sip of coffee. "Okay, you were right, this isn't half bad."

He laughed. "You doubted me? I'm a man of my word. I make a point of never lying to a beautiful woman."

She shook her head. "Why do I have trouble believing that?" She took a longer drink this time, then leaned towards him, echoing his earlier whisper. "Anyway how come you're here having coffee with me when there's a hot doc you should be chasing?"

"She'll wait. I said I don't lie to women, not that I don't treat them badly." She raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. He took a drink, then returned the cup to the table. "Real reason though, you looked like you needed a friend, though I'm guessing you don't wanna talk about what you were doing up there?"

"Not really."

"That's cool." He leant back in his chair, locking his hands behind his head. "Hey, you'll never believe this patient we had downstairs earlier. Comes in complaining of chest pain, right? So I order a..."

"I'm pregnant."

She had said it a little louder than was necessary and as well as bringing his story to a abrupt stop, it'd also caused a halt to several conversations from surrounding tables, their occupants turning to stare at Abby and him.

Three nurses from the ER, crowding the next table break the silence by sniggering. Glaring at them only seems to make them laugh harder so he gave up. "I work with them," he explained.

"Oh god, I'm sorry." Abby spun to face them. "It's not his. He's not the father." She was struggling not to laugh herself.

Not surprisingly, they don't appear to believe her and he gave it two hours before the tale of how his womanizing ways had finally caught up with him spread right down to the morgue.

She turned back to Dave. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh, it's just..." She couldn't say anymore as she broke down in laughter.

He shrugged, chuckling himself now. "Don't worry bout it. At least I'll have an interesting shift tomorrow."

Eventually she regained her composure. "You know it actually felt good telling you that."

"Technically you told the whole room."

"True."

"So are we talking about this now?"

"No."

"I take it you were gonna get rid of it?"

"Didn't I just say we weren't talking about it?"

"Do I not even get to ask who the father is?"

"No."

"Is it Luka's?"

"No."

"I think it's Luka's."

"It's not Luka's!" She rolled her eyes and rested her head on the table. "God, I need a drink."

"That's probably not a good idea now you're having a baby."

"It wouldn't be a good idea even if I weren't." Keeping her voice down this time, she confessed, "I'm an alcoholic."

"Oh." He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to that. "I didn't know that." He decided to risk asking another question. "How come I didn't know that?"

"It's not exactly something I go around shouting about."

"No, you only shout about being pregnant."

"Hey, I said I was sorry."

"Don't worry. You only did it so people would think you were lucky enough to have slept with me. Happens all the time. It's that Dr Dave charm, makes women go nuts." He grinned.

"So what went wrong with Weaver then?"

He took a minute to think about that, then shrugged. "She went nuts."


	3. Chapter 3

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. God, Malucci, what are you going to do? Just march in there and ask for her? You don't even know if she's working. You are dumb sometimes. And what if she isn't pleased to have you turn up like this?  
  
Dave's thoughts stopped him dead, across the street from the ER entrance. He took a deep breath. Why was he so nervous about going in there? Why was he even here in the first place? No. He knew why. He was worried about her. He laughed to himself. No one would believe it was possible for him to care about someone other than himself; but he did. Seeing Abby so upset yesterday had affected him more than he would have expected though. And this morning, he had headed over here to check how she was coping. He vaguely remembered her saying she was working today, but he wasn't sure what time. Knowing that he had a shift in a couple of hours, and that he wouldn't be able to concentrate until he knew Abby was ok, he started towards the ambulance bay. Entering the building, he paused for a moment, looking for a familiar face. He noticed Frank over at the admit desk, but the clerk was busy arguing with a young doctor he didn't recognise. Dave knew that he couldn't just stand there, hoping that Abby happened to walk past him, so he decided to just ask the next doctor or nurse he saw.  
  
  
  
Susan found herself muttering under her breath as she tried to escape the chaos of the ER by hiding in the lounge. She had almost made it inside when  
  
"Excuse me."  
  
She sighed, but turned around.  
  
"I was wondering if you could help me out here."  
  
"You need to register at the desk." She pointed towards Frank then pushed the door open and made a move inside.  
  
"Erm, no. Actually I'm looking for Abby Lockhart!"  
  
That made Susan stop. She studied him for a moment. Carter had only been gone a couple of weeks and already Abby had strange guys showing up to see her?  
  
When he got no answer, Dave asked again. "Is Abby working today?"  
  
"Erm, yeah. And you are?"  
  
"Dave."  
  
"Dave?" Susan again stared at him. "So, known Abby long?"  
  
Dave didn't get a chance to answer when Malik suddenly joined them. "If it ain't Dr Dave."  
  
"Hey man. How you doing?" Malucci was glad to see a friendly face. The blonde doctor had been starting to freak him out.  
  
"Can't complain. What brings you back to this sorry place?"  
  
"I'm here to see Abby."  
  
"Abby?" Malik smiled. "Really? Well, she's around somewhere."  
  
"I'll go find her." Susan offered. "Let her know you're here."  
  
"Thanks." Dave watched as she headed off down the corridor. He turned to Malik. "What's her deal?"  
  
  
  
Abby couldn't believe how much her shift was dragging. And it wasn't even like the ER was quiet. Normally, it wasn't until nearly the end of her shift when she would start counting down the time 'til she could get out of there. Today though, she couldn't even make it to her break. Probably because usually she had a cigarette to look forward to, but not anymore. She'd decided that if she was going through with her pregnancy then she had to do it right. No smoking; no drinking. She groaned. It wouldn't be easy. She still hadn't told anyone at the ER. The next time Weaver was in, she'd tell her, but she wasn't ready to make a public announcement just yet. Now though, she needed to survive this shift. At the moment, she was in the drug lockup, trying to look busy, hoping no one would bother her. No such luck.  
  
"How come you always manage to find somewhere to hide, and I never can?"  
  
Abby looked up to see Susan. Abby shrugged. "Natural talent?"  
  
"Hiding from anyone in particular?"  
  
"Not really." Abby replied, shaking her head. "Why?"  
  
"Cause there's some guy in chairs looking for you."  
  
"Some guy?"  
  
"Some guy called Dave."  
  
"Malucci?" Abby was surprised. "What does he want?"  
  
"Don't know. He just said he was looking for you."  
  
"Ok. Thanks."  
  
"No problem!"  
  
Abby could feel Susan watching her, as she walked away. She rolled her eyes. Wait until she finds out about the baby she thought. There's no way she won't tell Carter. She found that a crowd had formed around Malucci, made up of Malik, Haleh and some of the other nurses. Dave seemed to be loving the attention. The conversation quickly ended though when she approached and everything went quiet.  
  
"We'll leave you two to it!" Haleh broke the awkward silence, and began pushing everyone away."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Hey!" Dave felt nervous again. "I just wanted to see how you were doing, that's all."  
  
"Not too bad considering." Abby glanced back towards the desk. "We've still got an audience."  
  
Dave laughed. "You think we've given them something to gossip about?"  
  
"We? You're the one who's shown up out of the blue, asking to see me. I had no part in this."  
  
"I know. I wanted revenge for the thing in the canteen yesterday."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"No."  
  
Knowing that they were still being watched, Abby nodded towards the doors. "I'm kinda due a break. Seeing as I owe you a cup of coffee, you want to go over to Dr McGoo's?"  
  
"Yeah. Sure."  
  
"I'll be across the road." Abby shouted to the group that was still hanging around the desk. "Just in case, you want to come eavesdrop." Abby rolled her eyes as everyone quickly went back to work.  
  
  
  
"So, you're really not mad at me for turning up like this?"  
  
Abby shook her head.  
  
"I would have called, but you forgot to leave me your number."  
  
"Did I?"  
  
"Yeah." Dave glanced around the room. "It feels weird sitting here. Yet the place is still the same." He grinned. "I'm so glad that Weaver wasn't working today. If I had seen her, I probably would have run for it."  
  
"I never thought that you'd be scared of her."  
  
"I'm not!"  
  
"And am I not worth having to be in the same room as her?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Oh, that's it! You're paying for the coffees again now."  
  
"Just because I said that?"  
  
"No. Because I didn't bring any money with me!"  
  
"Oh, you're an evil and manipulative woman, Abby Lockhart. Taking advantage of a generous, considerate guy like me."  
  
Abby laughed. "Whatever. Lying about yourself ain't gonna make me feel guilty."  
  
"Fine. I'll pay!" Dave gave in, throwing his arms up in defeat. "So other than the nurses I saw today and Frank, who else is still at the ER?"  
  
"Well, Weaver as you know. Erm, Chen, Luka."  
  
"Who was the blonde chick?"  
  
"Susan Lewis."  
  
"She kinda frightened me!" he confessed. "Hey, is Carter not around any more?"  
  
Abby looked away. "No. He left! A couple of weeks ago." Her voice caught as she struggled to get the words out.  
  
Dave was silent for a moment. "Abby, is he." he began gently.  
  
"Yeah." Abby was determined not to cry, but didn't trust herself to make eye contact with him. "I should have told you last night but."  
  
"No. Abby, I'm here to listen, but anything you don't want to say, that's cool."  
  
She nodded. She glanced at her watch. "I gotta get back."  
  
"Yeah. Don't want you getting fired now you've got that baby to think about."  
  
Abby stood up, then stopped. "I'm glad that you came today, Dave. Thanks!"  
  
"I'm glad too." As she turned to leave, he shouted after her. "Hey Abby. Let me give you my phone number. Case you need to talk some more."  
  
  
  
Finally her shift was over. Abby was desperate to get home and just sleep. When she entered the lounge, she found Susan sat at the table.  
  
"Hey." Susan glanced up as she entered.  
  
"Hey. I thought you finished a while ago?" Abby asked, opening her locker.  
  
"I did. I wanted a quick chat with you."  
  
"What about?"  
  
"Your new friend."  
  
"Susan. I just want to go home. I'm really tired."  
  
"I know that it's none of my business, but you're a friend and so is Carter."  
  
Abby sighed and didn't say anything.  
  
"I just don't want you rushing into a relationship with someone else so soon after Carter."  
  
Abby slammed her locker shut. "Ok. Let's clear a few things up. One - I'm not in a relationship with Dave. He's just a friend! Two - if I were it would be nothing to do with you at all. And three - Carter has nothing to do with anything anymore. He lied to me and then left. End of story."  
  
"Abby, it's ok to be mad at him, to miss him." Susan paused. "To still be in love with him."  
  
"You don't know me. Ok? So don't try and tell me what I'm feeling."  
  
"Abby, I'm your friend. I just want to help."  
  
"We're not friends! Friends don't lie to each other about how a certain boyfriend was using drugs and planning to leave town."  
  
"Abby."  
  
"Actually, I bet you wanted us to break up. Were you jealous? That it? Regretting that you dumped him?" Abby accused angrily.  
  
"Whatever, Abby. Believe what you like. I don't know why I even bothered."  
  
Susan stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Abby slumped down on the couch. Nice going, Abby. Nice going! 


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry that it's taken forever to get this chapter finished. I've just started Uni so I've been really busy. Then I hit a few plot holes that just wouldn't go away. I think that I must have written a few different drafts of this chapter. Anyway, I plan to get the next couple of chapters wrote soon. Thanks to anyone who has reviewed so far. This fic has kinda gone in a slightly different direction then it started off in, so I'm not sure how it's gonna end. I'm not sure if it will be a Carby after all. I'll know once I get around to writing Carter's return.  
  
  
  
"Dr Weaver!" Spotting Kerry heading into the lounge, Abby decided that she could not keep the truth from her any longer. "Have you got a minute? I was wondering if I could have a word in private?"  
  
"Now? I was just gonna grab a quick coffee and then get straight back. We're getting swamped out there. Can't it wait?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
Seeing the serious expression on Abby's face, Weaver agreed. "Ok." Kerry held the door open for Abby, and motioned for the nurse to sit at the table. "What's the problem?"  
  
  
  
When he woke up, it took Malucci a moment to realise that it was his phone ringing that had disturbed him. He stumbled out of the bedroom and promptly stubbed his toe on the sofa. Trying and failing to find the light switch, he gave up and continued in the dark. Finally he made it to the phone. "Hello?"  
  
"I told Weaver!"  
  
He took him a minute to gather his thoughts. "Abby, do ya know what time it is?"  
  
"Half past three!"  
  
"And you're calling at this time because?" he asked harshly.  
  
She was silent for a moment. "Sorry. I'll leave you alone."  
  
"No, Abby. It's ok!" Sighing, he moved over to the sofa and sat down. Glancing back towards the bedroom, he noticed that he had left the door open. He could see the doctor from OB still fast asleep, and hoped that she didn't wake up and catch him on the phone with another woman. Not that it would matter if she did. She was fun but he wasn't looking for a serious relationship with her. Or anyone else for that matter. "What did Weaver say?"  
  
"Not much. There wasn't really anything to say."  
  
"Guess not." He rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Did she ask who the father is?"  
  
"No. But she didn't exactly need to, did she?"  
  
"She can't be sure it's Carter's. Anyone could be the father!"  
  
"Thanks!" she laughed.  
  
"I didn't mean it like that!"  
  
"Well, if you did, then two words. Pot. Kettle."  
  
Dave smiled. "Can't really argue with that!"  
  
"Have you got someone there now?"  
  
Now it was Dave's turn to laugh. "Since when were you so nosy?"  
  
"Since I need some gossip to take the heat off me!"  
  
"No-one's gonna be gossiping about you! Everyone at County'll give you loads of support, you know that."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Hearing movement behind him, he asked Abby "Can you just hold on a minute?" and turned around. "Hey. I wake you?"  
  
The doctor nodded sleepily. "Yeah. Who's phoning at this time?"  
  
"A friend." He covered the mouthpiece of the receiver. "She's having a bad time lately. She needs someone to talk to."  
  
"Fine. I'm going back to sleep."  
  
"Keep the bed warm for me. I won't be long."  
  
"Whatever!"  
  
He watched her disappear into the other room, shutting the door behind her. His pride was a little bit wounded by her indifference but he quickly shook it off. "Sorry about that."  
  
"Anyone I know?"  
  
"No, don't think so."  
  
"Do you even know her name?"  
  
"I do actually! Remember me telling you bout that OB doc?"  
  
"Wow. Still interested in her after how long has it been? All of three days?"  
  
"Funny! I'm dying of laughter here!" he muttered. He could hear her laughing, and couldn't help smiling himself.  
  
"Anyway, I can see you've got things to do."  
  
"You trying for a career change? Becoming a stand-up comic? Cause I don't think you'll manage to feed that bambino if you do."  
  
"I'll let you go."  
  
"Thankyou, Miss Lockhart."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
Before she could hang up, he added "Hey, Abby. You wanna meet up tomorrow? Have this conversation when I'm properly awake?"  
  
"Yeah. That'd be good! I start work at twelve, so meet for breakfast?"  
  
"Yeah, ok. Bout half ten? At Doc's? Or not want to be seen there with me again?"  
  
"No. Doc's is fine. See you then."  
  
  
  
Dave nervously tapped a beat on the table with his fingertips. He glanced at his watch. It was already five minutes to eleven and there was no sign of Abby. He had phoned her apartment but had just got the answer machine. He wished that he had her mobile number. It was possible that she had overslept, or the El was running late, but something had him worried. He decided to give her ten more minutes and then head over to her place. Just as he got up to leave, he saw her come in. She wasn't alone though. A woman in her forties with three young kids in tow, stood anxiously at her side. He crossed over to them. "You ok?"  
  
"This your friend?" the woman asked.  
  
Abby nodded. "I'm fine. Really."  
  
The woman turned to Dave. "You should take better care of her!"  
  
"What happened?"  
  
The question was directed at Abby, but the woman answered. "She fainted on the El. I wanted her to go to the hospital but she refused. Said she was just gonna come here."  
  
"I'm ok. I don't need to go to the ER."  
  
"You really should. My husband's friend kept passing out like that. When he finally did go to a doctor, they found out he had a brain tumour."  
  
Abby turned to Dave and shot him a pointed look. "She'll be ok. I'm a doctor. Thanks for looking after her."  
  
"I only wanted to make sure she got here. Didn't want her fainting again."  
  
"Yeah, thanks." Abby muttered then headed across to one of the booths.  
  
Dave stood awkwardly. "Seriously, thanks. She's just a bit." He sighed. "I'll make sure that she gets checked out. Thanks!"  
  
The woman stared at him for a moment, then grabbed the smallest child by the hand and headed out the door.  
  
Dave didn't say anything as he sat down across from Abby. He just waited for her to break the silence. She sighed in frustration. "I don't know what happened, ok? I honestly don't know!"  
  
"Then let's go across the road and get someone to examine you."  
  
Abby shook her head. "No. No way!"  
  
"Abby, you've got to." Again she simply shook her head. "Do you want to keep this kid?" Abby looked down at the table. "Do you want to keep it?"  
  
She looked up at him. "Yeah."  
  
"Then we need to go across to the ER."  
  
  
  
"Hey Abby. What's with you being here half an hour early?"  
  
"Hey Chuny." Abby glanced at Dave.  
  
"Hey Dave."  
  
"Chuny." He pushed Abby gently in the back.  
  
"Erm, Chuny, is Weaver working today?" Abby asked.  
  
"No, she's not in 'til this afternoon, I think. Why?"  
  
Abby turned back to Dave and gave him a look that told him that she wouldn't see anyone but Weaver about this. "Nothing. It doesn't matter."  
  
Dave blocked her way. She stepped to the side to move past him, but he stayed with her. "For Godssake, Dave. Let me go."  
  
He shook his head forcefully. "Tell them. Abby." He gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Please?"  
  
Surprised by the concern in his eyes, Abby relented and turned back to Chuny. "Is there a free exam room somewhere?"  
  
"Probably. It's really quiet so far today. What's going on?"  
  
  
  
Ten minutes later, Abby found herself sitting in an exam room waiting for Chuny to return. Dave had stayed in chairs. She hadn't told Chuny that she was pregnant, just that she had fainted. Giving her a gown the other nurse had gone to find a doctor. Abby knew that she would have to tell whoever examined her though. It would have been simpler if Weaver had been on, but everyone would have found out eventually so she prepared herself. When Susan entered the room though, she nearly made a run for the door. "Are you ok? Chuny said that you fainted." Susan joined Abby sitting on the edge of the gurney. Abby could tell that Susan was really worried; their argument completely forgotten.  
  
"I collapsed on the El."  
  
"Did you lose consciousness?"  
  
"For a minute or so."  
  
"Ok." Susan stood up and began to examine her.  
  
"I wouldn't have bothered to come in, it's just that."  
  
"Just that what?"  
  
"I was worried that I could have a miscarriage!"  
  
Susan stood in shock. "You're pregnant? Abby nodded. "But. pregnant? Is it Carter's?"  
  
"No, it was an Immaculate Conception." Abby rolled her eyes. "Of course it's Carter's."  
  
"How did it happen?"  
  
"I thought you were a doctor?"  
  
"Very funny! I know how women get pregnant, but how did you.actually, never mind. I don't want to know."  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."  
  
"I'll do an ultrasound, then order some tests. I'm sure everything's fine."  
  
  
  
"How you feeling?" Chuny had stopped by to check on Abby as soon as she had got the chance.  
  
"Tired of waiting. The lab results back yet?" The ultrasound had been fine and there had been a strong foetal heart rate but Susan had wanted to be sure everything was ok and insisted Abby wait for the test results.  
  
Chuny shook her head. "We had a multiple MVA come in."  
  
Abby groaned. "Is Dave still here?"  
  
"Yeah. You want me to go get him?"  
  
Abby shook her head. "Can you tell him that he can go though?"  
  
Chuny grinned mischievously. "Are you and him."  
  
"No! We're just friends! That's it!"  
  
"If you say so!" Chuny turned to leave. "I'll give him the message."  
  
Abby got up and got dressed quickly. She wanted to get out of the room. She was really starting to crave a drink. She had managed to stay sober since finding out she was pregnant but now it was quickly becoming more difficult. Before she could make her escape though, Susan returned. "Sorry. We got buried out there." Abby folded her arms nervously. "Well, results all came back negative. You're slightly anaemic though. Might want to take some iron supplements." Abby nodded, sitting back down on the bed. "Are you taking care of yourself? You need to take it easy, you know. You worked in OB, you know al this."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Susan took a deep breath. "Are you gonna tell Carter?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I think that you should!"  
  
"I don't want him to know. I don't want him to come back here because of this baby. And that's what he'd do. You know he would."  
  
"You shouldn't have to do this alone. He'd help you out financially."  
  
"I don't want his money."  
  
"He can afford it!"  
  
"That's not the point."  
  
"I really think that he has a right to know."  
  
"You can't tell him! Susan, I swear if you do, then I'll leave! I'll just take off! And I won't be coming back."  
  
"I'm not gonna tell him. I think that you should, but I won't say anything." Abby studied her for a moment, but didn't respond. "Abby, I promise you, I won't say anything!"  
  
"Ok, ok. Now I just have to hope that no-one else will." 


	5. Chapter 5

"Wait for me in the lounge. I'm off in half an hour."  
  
Abby sighed in frustration. "Susan, I'm fine. You said so yourself!"  
  
"Yeah, but wait for me. We'll get a cab back to yours and have a quiet night. I'll call Deb."  
  
"I'd rather just go home and go to bed!"  
  
"Ok, so no girls' night-in! Still wait for me!"  
  
Abby was about to protest again when she noticed that Dave was still sat in chairs. "I'll just get a cab now."  
  
Following Abby's gaze, Susan relented. "Fine. I'll stop by later though!"  
  
"Yeah. Sure, fine, whatever." Susan frowned but went back to work.  
  
Dave stood up when he saw Abby approaching. "Hey!"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"You ok?"  
  
"Yeah. Everything normal." Abby suddenly felt awkward. "How come you're still here?"  
  
Dave looked down, studying the floor. "Well.I just wanted to see you were ok."  
  
"I told Chuny to tell you, you could go."  
  
"Yeah. I wanted to wait though." He looked up now, leaning towards her. "Besides, it got me out of work!" Abby could not help smiling slightly. "So," Dave continued. "Can I give you a lift home?"  
  
  
  
"Where do you keep your coffee?"  
  
"In the kitchen, normally." Abby rolled her eyes, watching Dave open cupboard after cupboard. "I don't even know if I have any. I haven't had chance to go shopping lately."  
  
"Tell me what you need, and I'll pick it up for you."  
  
"I'm sorry? Did Dave Malucci just offer to help somebody?" Abby teased.  
  
Dave gave up his search and crossed over to the sofa where Abby was lying. "Only offered so that I can drink your coffee when I'm over here."  
  
Abby laughed. "And what makes you think you'll be here ever again?"  
  
Dave shrugged. "Cause as I'm sure I've told you before, women can't resist me."  
  
Abby drew her legs up to her chest, making room for him to sit on the sofa. "Susan thinks I should tell Carter!"  
  
"Are you going to?"  
  
Abby was silent for a moment before answering. "I don't know! I just don't know what to do."  
  
"Do whatever you want to. It's your choice."  
  
"That's kind of a selfish attitude though, isn't it?"  
  
"Works for me!" Dave grinned. "No, seriously. Carter left. Now you need to think about you and the baby. If you can raise this kid on your own, and that's what you want, then do that." He paused. "If you still love Carter though, and if you want this kid to know its father, then you gotta tell him."  
  
"Since when were you the voice of reason?"  
  
"Since I got tired of being a joke to everyone and getting fired all the time."  
  
"I don't know if I could cope with being a mother with or without Carter being here."  
  
"Course you can."  
  
"Can I? What if this baby's bipolar? What do I do then?"  
  
"I don't know, Abby. No one can tell you what to do, how to cope with this. You have to figure it out for yourself."  
  
"And if I can't?"  
  
"Then, you might as well just give up now."  
  
Abby fell silent again.  
  
"Do you love Carter?"  
  
"Yes!" Abby confessed. "I don't think I'll ever stop loving him." Abby sighed. "That's why I can't tell him. I want him to move on. Be happy. One of us needs to!"  
  
"Even if you don't tell Carter, it doesn't mean that you have to do this alone."  
  
Abby nodded, wiping a lone tear from her cheek.  
  
"Well, seeing as I'm not getting any coffee, I'm gonna take off. Call me if you need anything." He stood up, grabbed his jacket and started to leave.  
  
"Dave?"  
  
He turned around. "Yeah?"  
  
"Your offer for shopping still stand?" Abby smiled.  
  
"Yeah." Dave laughed. "Let me know what you need!"  
  
"And Dave? Thanks!"  
  
  
  
"Can you bring the ice cream?"  
  
Dave finished making the popcorn, and then crossed over to the freezer. "No. Cause there ain't any left!" He heard Abby groan. "You're the one who ate it all!"  
  
Abby lifted her head from the sofa slightly but did not bother to sit up. "Dave."  
  
"No!" he interrupted, joining her near the TV.  
  
"You didn't even let me ask you!" she laughed.  
  
"I'm not going to the store to buy you more ice cream. Go yourself!"  
  
"You wouldn't really make a five month pregnant woman go to the store alone would you?" she asked smugly.  
  
Dave sighed. For the past four months, he had always lost these arguments and he knew that now would be no exception. "Fine. But you can't start the movie without me."  
  
  
  
"So, how long you got to go?" Susan leant forward, smiling happily.  
  
"How come you always ask me that every time I see you?" Abby rolled her eyes. Susan had been unbearable lately; half of the time, it seemed that Susan was more excited than she was.  
  
"Humour me."  
  
"Fine. About six weeks!"  
  
Susan giggled. "I can't believe you asked me to be your birthing coach."  
  
"Neither can I!"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"If there had been anyone else!"  
  
"There was always Dave!" Susan teased.  
  
"There is nothing going on between me and Dave!"  
  
"I know. You've just been spending a lot of time with him recently."  
  
"Yeah. He's been great these past few months." Abby admitted. "But I don't really want him at the birth!"  
  
"Are you definitely not gonna find out if it's a boy or a girl?"  
  
Abby shook her head. "Nope. I want it to be a surprise."  
  
"I can't believe that you're gonna be a mother."  
  
"Still doesn't feel real to me. Except for the morning sickness and back pain."  
  
"It must be worth it though?"  
  
Abby paused. "Maybe. We'll find out after the birth."  
  
  
  
"Ok, I got ice cream and.what's wrong?" Dave walked into Abby's apartment, closing the door behind him. Abby had walked over to the couch and sat down as soon as she opened the door.  
  
"Nothing's wrong!" Abby winced. "Except that I'm in labor."  
  
Dave dashed over to the sofa, dropping at her side. "How far apart are the contractions? I thought that you weren't due for another week?"  
  
"Ok, Dave, calm down! Contractions are fifteen minutes apart so I've got plenty of time yet."  
  
"Ok. So what do we do?"  
  
Abby smiled, amused that a doctor could be so hopeless when it came to something like this. "We wait."  
  
  
  
"Ok, Abby. Let's get you more comfortable and then I'll examine you." Abby didn't recognise the OB nurse who would be helping her through this. She was not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. In the past nine months, she had discovered there were a lot of new faces in OB since she had moved down to the ER. As the nurse gave her a gown to change into, Abby realised that Dave was still in the room. "Erm, Dave?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Don't take this the wrong way, but get out!"  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"I'm sure that you don't really want to watch this."  
  
"I'm a doctor. I've seen worse things than a woman in labor."  
  
"Ok, then I don't really want you to watch this."  
  
"Abby, I don't think that you should go through this alone."  
  
"Then call Susan again." Abby groaned, waiting for the next contraction to end before continuing. "Please, get Susan."  
  
  
  
As Dave was heading down the corridor, he almost collided with Susan.  
  
"How's she doing?"  
  
"Erm. Getting there, I think."  
  
"Which room?"  
  
  
  
"Ok, contractions are four minutes apart. And you're three centimetres dilated."  
  
Susan opened the door slightly, taking a quick glance inside the room before entering. Noticing Dave try and follow her in, she turned to him, shook her head and quickly closed the door. Sighing, Dave crossed over to the waiting area and sat down. He intended to stay until the baby was born. He knew that that would probably take hours but he wanted to be here. He could understand why Abby did not want him in the room; he was not the father after all. He was still hurt though. He had not been there when his son had been born, he had not wanted to really. Even now, he did not really feel like a father; he rarely saw the kid, only sending maintenance payments and presents at birthdays and Christmas. But he was not a real dad. Had never played with his son, or taken care of him at all. For some reason though he felt a connection with Abby's baby; to Abby. They had become close lately, he had watched her go through her pregnancy and now wanted to be there for the birth. So, if he was not allowed in the delivery room, then he would just wait here.  
  
  
  
Dave jumped to his feet as soon as he saw Susan come out of the room. "Has she had it?"  
  
Susan shook her head. "Not yet. Coburn broke her waters to try and move things along a bit. But it'll still be a good few hours yet."  
  
"Then where you going?"  
  
"I need to pee." Susan continued down the corridor. Then she turned around and called back to him, "You know, you could always go home."  
  
"I'll wait."  
  
  
  
"I can't believe that you caved and had an Epidural." Susan shifted position in the chair at the side of the bed. She never did understand why hospital chairs were so uncomfortable.  
  
"Let's see how well you cope without medication when it's your turn." Abby seemed more relaxed now, in less pain.  
  
Susan laughed. "Who says that I'm gonna ever have kids?" She paused. "Besides, I'd have to find a man first."  
  
"I didn't!"  
  
"Well, actually you did. First, you had Carter. He is the father. And then secondly, you got Dave."  
  
"I do not got Dave!" Abby giggled.  
  
Susan rolled her eyes. "I can't believe how out of it that medication makes you. And seeing that Dave is still sat outside, then I'd say that you got him."  
  
  
  
"Alright, Abby, I need you to push for me."  
  
"I can't! Susan, I."  
  
Susan took hold of Abby's hand. "Come on, Abby. You can do this. Shouldn't take much longer."  
  
"I can't.I just can't."  
  
  
  
Dave was not sure when he had dozed off or what had woken him up. He sat up sharply, taking in his surroundings. When he heard a baby cry, he knew what had woken him. He quietly crossed over to the door, but did not dare open it. It was enough to know that both mother and child were ok. He smiled happily. He did not know why, but he felt extremely proud of Abby, but part of him still wished that he had been there to see it.  
  
  
  
"Congratulations, you have a son."  
  
Abby could feel tears falling down her cheeks as Coburn passed her the baby; her son. She had a son. She glanced up at Susan and laughed slightly to see her crying as well. Susan wiped her eyes. "So what you gonna call him?"  
  
  
  
  
  
******* Ok, I really struggled with this chapter. I've never been pregnant so it's really difficult to write about something that you have no experience of. But I wanted it in there. It's the birth of the Carby baby so it had to be really. I have a couple of ideas for the name of the baby. I haven't quite decided yet. I also needed this chapter to skip a lot of time, and I'll probably be doing the same with the next one as well. Thanks again for the reviews. Sorry it's taking so long, but I've had work to do for Uni and I have things to finish for creative writing and that's been taking up my time. I'll try and get the next chapter up soon. I know I always say that, but this time, it definitely will be. 


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey. You up to visitors?"  
  
Abby glanced up to find Dave hovering in the doorway. "Yeah. Just about."  
  
Dave quietly closed the door behind him and crossed over to the bed. "Would I get an evil look if I asked how you're feeling?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Abby was sat up in the bed, holding the baby. Dave noticed she already had bunches of flowers and cards scattered around the room. "From the ER?"  
  
Abby nodded. "You gotta save me from them. I've had pretty much every one of the nurses up here already."  
  
"Oh no. You can do your own dirty work." Dave laughed and sat down in the chair at the side of the bed.  
  
"You afraid of them, Dave?"  
  
"Yeah, actually. This is the nurses we're talking about."  
  
"Maybe you have a point. I don't really fancy pissing off Haleh."  
  
Dave shook his head. "Definitely not a good idea."  
  
"I expected you to have been here sooner. Susan said that you were outside the whole time."  
  
Dave suddenly felt embarrassed. "Yeah, I had nothing better to do. Thought it might be exciting."  
  
"Hope it was entertaining enough for you. Sat in the corridor for hours."  
  
"It passed the time. After I knew you were ok, I thought that you'd probably want a bit of space so I took off for a bit."  
  
"Do you want to hold him?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Abby could not help smiling at the huge grin on Dave's face as she passed the baby to him. It quickly faded however as she thought of Carter and how he would have reacted if he had been here; what kind of father he would have made.  
  
"Does he have a name yet?"  
  
Dave's voice shook her from her thoughts. "Erm. I've kinda decided but I dunno. What do you think of Ryan?"  
  
Dave seemed to take a moment to study the baby for a second, before slowly nodding. "Yeah. I like it. Ryan Lockhart."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Everyone's been asking bout you. Even Weaver." Susan looked down at the sleeping baby. Smiling, she turned back to face Abby.  
  
"Even the nurses? I mean it's been all of an hour since one of them was up here."  
  
"Yes, even the nurses." Susan laughed. "Luka wanted me to ask you if he could come up."  
  
Abby shrugged. "Sure."  
  
"Dave been by?"  
  
"Yeah. He stopped in earlier. I think I fell asleep talking to him."  
  
"I'm sure he'll get over it." Susan went back to watching Ryan.  
  
"Do you think he looks like Carter?"  
  
The question started Susan, causing her to spin around quickly. "Where did that come from?"  
  
"I dunno. I was just looking at him before and he kinda reminds me of Carter."  
  
"He's a day old baby."  
  
Abby sighed. "I know I'm just being stupid but."  
  
"You worried that people will know that Carter's the father?"  
  
"No. It's not that. Everybody's already jumped to their own conclusions about that."  
  
Susan moved and sat on the edge of the bed. "Then what?"  
  
"He just reminds me of Carter."  
  
"Well, considering that he is Carter's son then he will probably remind you of him even more as he grows up. Can you handle that?"  
  
"I have no choice. I have to deal with this."  
  
"Then deal with it."  
  
"I am!"  
  
"Then good." Susan smiled mischievously. "You know if Carter was around then he would insist on calling this baby John Truman."  
  
"Ok, firstly, I'm dealing with it so you're not gonna succeed in winding me up. And secondly, if Carter was here I would never let him call our son after himself."  
  
"There would have been major arguments about that."  
  
"No, there wouldn't!" Abby smiled slightly. "I was thinking of John for Ryan's middle name though." she confessed. "Think that's a really bad idea?"  
  
"No. I think that this kid deserves to have his father's name."  
  
"Ok then. Ryan John it is."  
  
  
  
  
  
"I can't believe that I'm finally out of that place." Abby carefully placed Ryan down in the carrycot that Susan had just dropped onto the floor of the apartment.  
  
"Remind me again why I offered to help you?" Susan complained, as she headed back down to the car to bring up the rest of the presents people had bought Abby for the baby.  
  
"Cause you felt sorry for a poor single mother."  
  
"No, I'm pretty sure that's not it. More like you begged me to help and promised me coffee for my troubles." Susan complained as she left the room.  
  
When she returned Abby had made her a cup of coffee. "Satisfied?" she asked, handing the cup to Susan.  
  
"Yes." Susan tasted it. "On second thoughts, no!"  
  
"I never promised you good coffee. And I didn't beg you to help. You offered. I said that Dave would give me a lift, but you said to tell him no, you'd do it."  
  
"Well next time, I'll remember to let him help." Susan sat down on the couch.  
  
Abby paced the room for a moment, then joined her. ""I'm gonna tell him!"  
  
"Tell who what?"  
  
Abby paused. "Carter. I'm gonna tell him."  
  
"Right now?"  
  
"No. Not right now. But soon."  
  
"Why now? Why did you not decide this before you gave birth?"  
  
"I didn't want him here. I still don't."  
  
"Then why are you telling him?"  
  
"Cause he's Ryan's father and has a right to know."  
  
"You have a twisted logic, you know that?"  
  
"You don't think I should tell him?"  
  
"I think you should have told him before now."  
  
"Well, I didn't."  
  
"I told you to tell him."  
  
"You're not helping."  
  
"Sorry. Do you want Ryan to grow up without a father?"  
  
"No. My dad walked out on us. I know how hard it is to not have a father around."  
  
"Then you should tell him."  
  
**********************  
  
Ok, again I feel I should apologise for taking so long to update this. I just don't seem to have had the time lately. Anyway, thanks to the people who are still reading and reviewing this, especially The She Devil, Daveluva and Marie. Thanks also to SweetKittie and CARBYfan for suggesting names for the baby. In the end, I had to go with Ryan which my friend and beta readerish person choose. I did like CARBYfan's suggestion of John though so I gave the baby a middle name. Chapter 7 is nearly finished so fingers crossed that should be up Friday. 


	7. Chapter 7

Abby thought the urge to scream when Ryan woke her up for the fifth time that night. _You'd have thought I'd be used to it by now, after three months. I'll be glad when you start sleeping through the night. _She fumbled for the light switch, closing her eyes at the harsh light that suddenly filled the room. She walked over to Ryan's cot. He stopped screaming as soon as she picked him up. "Hey, what's the matter?" She stood rocking him for a while, hoping that he would soon fall back to sleep. "I've already fed and changed you. You're still dry. And you can't be hungry again." He began to whimper. "Please, go back to sleep. Your mommy needs her rest. Are you trying to kill me?" She watched him smile at her. "Ok, I'll take that as a yes, shall I?" After about ten minutes, he finally drifted back to sleep and Abby carefully placed him down in the crib. She collapsed in the chair in the corner of the room, exhausted.

__

I guess this is why there's supposed to be two parents. So you only have to get up half the time. Abby sighed. Leaning back in the chair, she thought about Carter yet again. It seemed to be all she had been thinking about lately. She got up, picked up the baby monitor from her bedroom and then headed into the living room. She put the monitor down on the table and then opened a drawer, taking out a slip of paper with a phone number and address written on it. Sitting down on the sofa, she studied it for a while. Susan had given it to her as soon as she'd first mentioned telling him. She had lost count of the number of times she had sat here, staring at the phone number. 

__

I'm gonna tell him. I am! Just when I'm ready and when I know how to do it. It's not like I can just phone him up and say "Hey, remember me? Well, funny story. When you left I was kinda pregnant. So yeah, you have a son. Great isn't it?" I wish that Susan could understand that. If she asks me one more time if I've told him, I think I'll snap. And then there's Dave to consider. He's been great lately. He even decorated the nursery for me. And I still haven't told him that I'm gonna tell Carter. 

She sat up and held her head in her hands. _How can I tell him? He'll come back. I know he will. But I don't want him too. Not just because of Ryan. I miss him though. Have done since he left. And seeing Ryan everyday just reminds me of what I lost. _

Abby picked up the phone but quickly put it back down again. She stood up and walked back towards Ryan's room. She did not go in though; choosing instead to stand in the doorway. She watched him from there for a while, then went back into the living room. She picked up the phone and dialled the number. Part of her hoped that he was working or just did not answer or anything so that she did not have to do this. The other part of her wanted it over with. As she waited for him to answer, Abby began to panic.

__

What the hell am I gonna say to him? Might have been a good idea to plan this better. What are you doing, Abby?

"Hello?"

__

He answered! He answered! Shit! Now what? 

"Hello? Who is this?"

__

He sounds pissed. Being woken at this time'll do that to people. Maybe now's not the best time. It feels weird hearing his voice again though. I can't say anything. Why can't I say anything?

She heard him sigh, before he hung up on her. She did not bother to replace the receiver, just letting it fall to the floor. She lay down on the couch and pulled her knees up to her chest. Hoping that Ryan slept until morning, she cried herself to sleep. 


	8. Chapter 8

Carter groaned as he sorted through his mail. He had just finished a twelve-hour shift and now needed to collapse. He dropped all of the junk mail straight into the bin, not even bothering to open it. The phone bill. He tossed it casually onto the table. It could wait. He was about to add the rest of the pile to the junk already in the bin when he noticed an envelope with his address hand-written. 

He tore it open and sat down at the table to read it. He had recognised the handwriting immediately. He unfolded the letter and began to read it.

Dear Carter,

Maybe I'm a coward for doing this by letter. I know that I should have spoken to you in person, or at least over the phone, but I just couldn't. I did try. A couple of times actually. but I could never go through with it. I hope you understand that. And also why I didn't tell you about this sooner. I'm sorry about doing it like this but you have a right to know. It doesn't change anything. I don't want you to come back to Chicago because of it. We agreed that things would never work out between us. That's still true. Stay there. Move on with your life and forget about me. 

What I want you to know is that after you had left, I found out I was pregnant. I was going to have an abortion but decided not to make the same mistake twice. You have a son. Ryan John Lockhart. Hope you don't mind the middle name. I drew the line at calling him John Truman. I don't want anything from you. We're doing ok as we are. I just wanted you to know. That's all. Please don't do anything about it. Make sure that at least one of us gets to move on with our lives.

Abby

He read the letter several times before putting it down. _A son? I have a son? And she didn't tell me about him?_ The shock was beginning to wear off as he began to get angry. 

__

How could she keep something like this from me? And then after all these months she decides to let me know. Cause I suddenly have a right to know? How thoughtful of her. What did she think that I would do? Try and take him away from her? Try and get back with her? What? Why would she do this to me? Does she really hate me that much that she'd try and keep me away from my son? 

He leapt up and grabbed the phone and dialled a Chicago number.

"Hello?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Hearing Carter's voice on the other end of the line, Susan sat up sharply. "Tell you what?" 

"About Abby."

"What about her?"

"Don't play dumb, Susan. Why didn't you tell me about the baby? My baby?"

Susan sighed. "It's none of my business. That's why."

"You're supposed to be my friend." he stated simply.

"Yeah. I'm also Abby's friend."

"She just should have told me." He sounded like he had calmed down a bit now. 

"I'm assuming she did. If you know about Ryan."

"Oh yeah. I know. Abby wrote me a nice letter." He did not even try to hide the bitterness in his voice.

"She told you in a letter?" Susan was wide-awake now.

"Yeah."

"Least she told you."

"Why now? Why not twelve months ago?" He was shouting again now.

"Carter, why exactly are you yelling at me about this?"

"Cause I didn't want to phone Abby and yell at her."

"So you decided to take it out on me instead?"

"Something like that."

"Thanks." Susan laughed.

"Sorry. It's just I don't understand why she couldn't have told me sooner."

"You really should be talking to Abby about this."

"I know." He paused for a moment before continuing. "Should I come back?"

"You need to talk to her. Sort it out between you. After tonight I think I've learned not to get involved in your relationship with Abby."

"I said I was sorry."

"Ok. I'll forgive you but sort it out with her. Don't let the kid suffer cause he has two screwed up parents."

"I won't."

Hearing the resolve in his voice, she asked "what are you gonna do?"

"Call her."

Susan heard a click and then he was gone. She replaced the phone and lay back down. She did not know how she always ended up in the middle of those two.

__

Abby rushed to answer the phone hoping she could answer it before it woke Ryan up. She grabbed the receiver. "Hello?" 

There was silence. "Hello?" she repeated. Still no one there. She was about to hang up when he finally spoke. 

"I got the letter."

Now it was her turn to remain quiet. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" he continued.

Abby leant against the wall. "I…" She trailed off, not knowing what to say. 

"Why tell me now? If you went through the entire pregnancy without telling me then why bother at all?"

"Carter, I know that you're mad but…"

"Mad? Course I'm mad. You had my child and didn't think it was important to tell me."

"Carter, I…"

"And when you do change your mind, you tell me in a letter." Carter interrupted. 

"I tried telling you over the phone but I just couldn't do it. It hurt too much to hear you." 

"I didn't know how you'd react if you know."

"What did you think I would do? Take him away from you? Tell you to have an abortion? What, Abby?"

"No. Just that you would come back." she snapped.

Carter fell silent.

"I'm sorry." She regretted it immediately.

"Would that be so terrible? If I did move back to Chicago?"

Abby paused before answering. "Yeah. I think it would. We're doomed together. You know that. That's why we split up in the first place."

"But now we have a reason to try."

"No. We don't. You can't just decide to give things with us another go just because of Ryan. It's not fair. Not fair on either of us."

"Then why did you bother telling me?"

"I don't know. And maybe it wasn't the best idea."

"Tell me you don't still love me?"

The question caught Abby by surprise. "What?"

"Say it!"

"God, since when where you so full of yourself? I don't love you, ok? Happy now? I don't think I ever did."

Again, Carter was silent. 

"I don't want anything from you. Stay in LA. It's best for everyone."

"Is this really what you want?" When she did not answer immediately, he asked again. "Abby, is this what you want?"

"Yes. It is."

"Then fine. I'll quit bugging you."

"Carter, wait." He had hung up before she got any further. 

She sank to the floor and held her head in her hands, still clutching the phone. She could feel the tears starting to fall down her cheek. 

__

Why did I lie to him? Why did I tell him I never loved him? No, it was the right thing to do. If he comes back, it has to be because of both me and Ryan. He has to want both of us. And he doesn't. He only offered to come back out of duty. He's better off without us. I just wish he wasn't.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Ryan beginning to scream. She quickly pulled herself together, put the phone back down and went to take care of her son. 

Carter threw the phone angrily onto the sofa. What was he doing? Staying away just because Abby told him too? What about his son? Was she even thinking about him? 

__

She said she never loved me. Why did I even ask her that? I never even considered she'd say no. I just assumed that she was still in love with me. I mean, I still love her but just cause I haven't moved on, it doesn't mean she hasn't. If she has gotten on with her life, then do I have the right to go and mess it up for her?

He tried to drive all of the questions from his mind. He sat down and attempted to think about this logically. If he did go back, he would have no job to support them. True, he could ask his Gamma for help, but he could not let her see what a failure had become. No, he'd stay here like Abby wanted. He had messed up her life. If he stayed away, at least he would not be able to mess up Ryan's.


	9. Chapter 9

"You wrote him a letter?" 

Abby answered the front door the next morning to find an incredulous Susan stood on her doorstep. "Hey, Abby. How are you? That's the polite way to start a conversation." Abby commented sarcastically as she let Susan inside.

"Hey, Abby. How are you? Happy now? Good." Susan paused. "You wrote him a letter?"

"Yes. I tried to tell him over the phone but just kept backing out."

"So you wrote him a letter."

"If you say that one more time, I swear…" Abby headed into the living room.

"Ryan asleep?"

Abby nodded. "Yeah, so please don't start yelling, ok?"

"I won't. I only came over to see how you were."

"I'm just peachy. I was really hoping for another argument with Carter." Abby walked over to the sofa and sat down. "So, did he call you before or after speaking to me?"

"Before."

"Great. You're still the first one he tells everything to."

"If it's any consolation, he yelled at me."

"Good." Abby smiled slightly. 

"So, is he coming back?" Abby shook her head. "Why not?"

"I told him not to."

"Abby…"

"No. It's for the best. I don't know why I told him."

"But…" Susan's pager went off. "Damm, that's the ER. I'd better phone in."

"What time are you meant to be on?"

"Not for another couple of hours. Start at twelve." Susan quickly phoned from her cellphone. "Hey, it's Susan. Someone just page me?…right…ok…yeah, fine…I'll be there soon as I can." Sighing Susan hung up. "I gotta go. They're expected multiple casualties from an MVA. I'll stop by later, ok. After my shift."

"Yeah, ok."

After Susan had left, Abby checked on Ryan. Seeing he was still asleep. She walked to the kitchen and removed a bottle of vodka from the cupboard where she had hidden it when Susan had knocked on the door. She poured herself a shot and knocked it straight back, before pouring another. 

Dave stood outside Abby's apartment, shivering in the cold. He buzzed for her again. He had noticed that the light was on and was beginning to worry. _She knew I was coming round tonight. She told me to come round. Even insisted I brought ice cream. Come on Abby, answer the door. _Taking out his cell phone, he called the apartment first, and when she did not answer, he tried her mobile. He got no answer there either.

He was just about to ring and see if anyone else would let him inside when Abby's neighbour came walking up to the building. _I hope she recognises me. If not, then she'll never let me in._

"Erm, excuse me."

The lady turned around and looked at him suspiciously. "Yes?"

"I'm a friend of Abby's, your neighbour. She's not answering the door. I'm getting a little worried."

"Maybe she's out." The woman began to open the door.

"Yeah, but she knew I was coming over tonight."

"So?"

"So she wouldn't go out if she knew I was coming over."

"If you say so."

"Could you just check if she's in? Just knock on her door or something?"

The woman sighed, and then held open the door for him. "Go up yourself."

"Thanks." Dave dashed up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. When he reached the apartment, he began to pound on the door. He could hear Ryan start to cry inside. He was just about to knock again when Abby opened the door.

Dave took a moment, not knowing what to say. Abby looked like she was struggling to stand up, leaning on the door for support.

"It's Dave. My new knight in shining armour." She giggled and started to lose her balance. Dave caught her before she hit the floor. "See. Men always wanting to save me. Poor Abby. She needs a man to fix her."

Dave carried her to the sofa. "How much have you had to drink?"

"I…I no drinking. See perfectly sober." Abby tried to stand up again, but just fell back down.

__

If this was anyone else in this state, I'd be laughing right now. Dave stared at her for a moment, shaking his head, then walked to the bedroom to see if Ryan was alright. He was thankful to find Ryan was fine, except for needing changing. "You know, kid, it's a good thing I know where everything is in this apartment cause I'd not get any sense out of your mom right now." 

After Ryan was changed, he soon drifted back to sleep. Dave placed him back in the cot and then left the room. When he returned to the living room, he found Abby pouring herself another drink. "Oh no. No way, Abby."

He snatched the glass of her and tipped the contents down the sink. 

"Hey, what ya do that for?" she protested. 

"It's not a good idea to drink anymore." He grabbed the bottle, before Abby could, and emptied that down the drain as well. As he went to throw it in the bin, he noticed another empty bottle of vodka in the bin. "How much have you had?"

He led her back to the couch and made her sit down. He sat beside her. "I'll make some coffee." As he made a move to stand up, Abby placed her hand on his thigh. 

"Don't want coffee."

Dave lifted her hand from his leg. "Erm Abby…" _What is she doing? Why is she doing this now? If she was sober and knew what she was doing then I wouldn't be complaining. But even I'm not gonna take advantage of a drunken woman. Especially not her._

She began to caress his face. He was about to stop her, when she suddenly leaned in and kissed him. Surprised, he pulled away abruptly. Abby drew away from him. "I'm sorry. Oh god, I'm sorry." She stood up, this time managing to stay on her feet. She made a bolt for the door, opened it and fled into the hallway.

"Abby, wait." Dave ran after her. He faltered in the apartment doorway. Glancing back towards Ryan's room. Cursing, he decided that he'd be ok for a moment and continued into the corridor. Abby was already halfway down the stairs. "Abby!"

He was loath to leave Ryan alone. Cursing, he charged back to the apartment. He glanced desperately around the room. It took him a minute to spot Abby's mobile. Grabbing it, he fumbled through the list of numbers until he reached Susan's. He headed over to the apartment phone, not being sure of how good the signal would be on the mobile. He tried Susan's mobile first and getting no answer, tried her at home. He hung up when the answering machine picked up. He put the phone down and hoping she was at work, phoned the ER. "Hi, is Susan there?…It's important…Can you get her?…Just get her. This can't wait." He waited for a minute, before Susan got to the phone. "Susan, it's Dave. Can you get over to Abby's place?…Now…Just get over here…Abby's been drinking…she just took off…alright…ok."

Dave hung up. Now being able do nothing until Susan arrived, he sat down and waited. 

"What happened?" Susan had had a hard time convincing Weaver to let her leave the ER and was now not in the best of moods. "Keep it simple. Explain clearly and quickly."

"I came over. Abby wasn't answering the door so her neighbour let me in. Abby was totally pissed. It looks like she's gone through at least one bottle of vodka and had just started another when I arrived. I took the drink off her. She got upset. And bolted."

"You didn't see where she went?"

Dave shook his head. "I didn't want to leave Ryan on his own. That's why I phoned you. So you can stay with Ryan, and I'll go look for her."

Susan folded her arms. "I'll go look for her. You stay with Ryan."

"But…"

"Do you know where she could have gone?"

"Not exactly."

"I know the bars we used to go to. I have a better chance of finding her. You stay here in case she comes back."

"She was in a bad way."

"I'll find her." In the short time she had known Dave, Susan had never seen him scared before.

When Dave heard the door buzzer go, he figured that it was Susan coming back. He was surprised to see Jing Mei.

"Is there any news?" 

Dave stepped aside to let her in. "No."

"Susan told me before she left the ER. I thought Abby would have turned up by now."

"Me too." 

The two of them stood in awkward silence for a while. 

"I was just about to make some coffee. You want some?" Dave offered.

"Yeah. I'll give you a hand." 

Once they had made the coffee, they sat at the kitchen table. "How much had Abby drunk?" Chen asked.

"A lot."

"Do you know why she just ran away?"

Dave was silent for a moment. Looking up, he studied Chen for a while before speaking. "Abby kissed me."

Chen raised an eyebrow. "What did you do?"

"Nothing."

Chen did not look convinced. "What, a woman makes a move for Dave Malucci and he says no?"

"Ok, yeah. I have a reputation and most of it's true. But this is Abby we're talking about. I wouldn't throw away our friendship for a drunken one-night stand. I wouldn't do that to her."

Chen was surprised to see Dave get so angry. She knew that he and Abby had become close lately but not how Dave actually felt about that. "Do you love her, Dave?"

"What?" _Why is she asking me that? I won't sleep with a woman and that means I'm in love with her? _

"I was just asking."

"No. We're just friends." _That's all we'll ever be. She's too hung up on Carter. And that's not likely to change. I think she'll always love that guy. And he threw her away._

"Then why'd you turn her down then?"

"Cause she was drunk."

"I bet there's been times when that hasn't stopped you."

"Ok, yeah. But only when I've been as drunk as them."

"You don't need to get so defensive, Dave."

"I'm not!"

Chen laughed. "Ok, fine but…"

Dave suddenly turned his attention to the door. Susan was stood there. 

"What is it?" Dave got up and crossed over to her.

"Luka just called me from work." Susan paused. "There's been an accident."

"Is she alive?" Dave was not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"He didn't give me many details. I'm not even sure what happened."

"Is she alive?" Dave raised his voice now.

"For now. But it sounds pretty bad."


	10. Chapter 10

"I'll go find out what's happening. You…" Susan sighed as Dave charged off towards the trauma rooms. "Run blindly round the ER." she continued. She followed after Dave, catching up with him outside Trauma two. Dave stood outside the doors, just staring into the room. When he tried to move inside, Susan placed a hand gently on his shoulder to stop him, but he shook her off and pushed open the door. Susan followed him inside. Luka looked up as they entered. 

"She's stable for now." he told them. "She suffered head trauma and some internal bleeding. She has a possible tib and fib fracture to the left leg. We're waiting for x-ray. The only other problem was her blood alcohol level." 

Dave crossed over to the side of the gurney. _She looks so helpless. I should have stopped this from happening. I should have been able to do something. If I had then she wouldn't be lying here like this._ "You didn't intubate her?"

Luka joined him at Abby's side. "No. She was making good respiratory effort. It wasn't necessary." 

Dave slowly nodded. "Good."

Luka turned to Susan. "Where's Ryan?"

"Chen stayed at Abby's with him. I'll call her in a minute. Let her know what's going on." She motioned for Luka that she wanted to talk to him in private. "How bad are the head injuries?"

"You don't need to whisper. I'm a doctor you know. I'm not gonna break down if it's bad news. No more than Susan anyway." Dave still stood by Abby, but was staring at the two of them pointedly. 

Luka nodded. "We really don't know. We just have to wait and see if she wakes up."

"How long 'til you move her upstairs?" Susan asked.

"Soon as x-ray is done."

Before Susan could ask anymore questions, they were interrupted by Lydia. "Dr Kovac, we need you."

"Ok. I'll be back soon as I can." With a last glance at Abby, he left.

Susan walked back over to Dave. "She'll be ok, you know?"

Dave did not look up. He had taken hold of Abby's hand now. 

"I'm gonna go and let Chen know. You want a cup of coffee?" 

"No, thanks."

"Ok, I'll see you in a bit."

Dave heard the trauma door swing shut as Susan left. He had not really been listening to her or Luka since they said that they would have to wait to see if Abby woke up. He kissed the back of Abby's hand gently. _I'm sorry, Abby. Sorry that I turned you down. If I hadn't then this wouldn't have happened. You'd be safe. Safe with me. I should have been the old Malucci. The one who wouldn't have said no. But I'm not the same guy anymore and that's because of you. I know that you'll come back to us. And that it won't be cause of me. It'll be for Ryan…And Carter. I know that you'd never love me like you do him. And I don't care. I don't expect you to. Just do this one thing for me. Don't leave us. _

"What happened?" Susan leant against the desk in admin, talking to Gallant.

He shrugged. "Not too sure, Dr Lewis. Paramedics brought her in. She'd been knocked down. The police have been around. They're waiting to question her."

"Did they get the driver?"

"Yeah. He stopped. Police spoke to him. He said that Abby just walked right in front of the car."

"I'm surprised she could walk the amount of alcohol in her bloodstream." Pratt joined them. "Cops think she was trying to top herself."

"Wouldn't surprise me! Always thought she was unstable." Frank commented, joining in the conversation from where he was sat.

"Shut up, Frank!" Susan glared at the desk clerk. "Abby's seriously hurt. You could show a little more compassion."

"It's the kid I feel sorry for. Having a drug addict for a father and a suicidal drunk for a mother. Kid's got no chance."

"Shut up, Frank!" 

"He has a point, you know?" Luka had heard the discussion as he was walking past. 

"What about?" Susan asked.

"Is she was trying to harm herself then we need to call psych."

"She wasn't! It was an accident!"

"Can you be sure?"

Susan faltered. "Abby wouldn't do something like that. You know she wouldn't."

"I think we should call them. It's for Abby's safety. We need to stop something like this from happening again."

"But psych can't admit her 'til they talk to her, right?" Pratt asked, picking up a chart from the rack.

"Normally no. But if there's been a suicide attempt and two treating physicians agree, they can make exceptions." 

"So you're gonna have her committed? When you don't even know what happened?" Gallant spoke up now. 

"Awwww, Boy Scout Mikey's not happy with this." Pratt teased.

"No, it's just…"

"Look, the chick's clearly lost it. She's been nuts since Carter left."

"Hey, that's enough, Pratt." Luka yelled. "Go and see some patients."

"Try and not kill any." Susan added.

Glaring at them, Pratt headed off towards the exam rooms. Susan stared at Frank, daring him to say anything. For once, he remained quiet.

"Susan, we have to make sure Abby's ok. She needs help."

Susan nodded. "Ok. Do it."

Going back inside the trauma room, Susan found Dave still by Abby's side. He had brought a chair in though and was now sat at Abby's side. 

Without taking his eyes off Abby, he asked, "When are we moving her?"

"Not sure. Soon, I think." She took a deep breath, wondering how Dave would react to this news. "Luka's called for a psych consult."

"What? Why?" That made him look up.

"The driver of the car that hit her said she stepped out in front of him. She may have been trying to kill herself."

"She was drunk. That's all. I saw her. She wasn't suicidal."

"It's to protect Abby, Dave. We'll get her some help."

"Why call them? They can't admit her 'til they've talked to her so…"

"We're sorting it out."

Dave stood up now. "You trying to have her committed now?" He took off out of the room, with Susan running after him. He found Luka in the lounge. 

"Why? Why not wait 'til she wakes up?"

"We only want what's best for Abby."

"She wasn't trying to kill herself, trust me on this. Listen man, just wait until she wakes up. We'll talk to her. See how she is. Then take it from there."

Dave could see that Luka was hesitating. "Think about Ryan, yeah? If it was just an accident, it may be difficult to get Abby released if you convince them she's mad."

Luka seemed to take a moment to think about this, but finally he made a decision. "Ok. Ok. We'll wait."


	11. Chapter 11

__

Ok, where the hell am I?

Figuring that out was made difficult by the fact that Abby's eyes refused to focus. She tried desperately to make sense of her surroundings.

__

From the looks of things, I'd guess it's a hospital room. Strangely familiar. Not County! Please god, don't let it be County.

Her vision began to clear up. _Shit. It's County. I know it. _She noticed that she had an IV in her arm. She touched it gently, not quite sure this was real. _Ok, so I know where I am, just not too sure why I'm here. _

She glanced around. It was a private room and she was all alone except for…

Her eyes fell on the sleeping figure in the chair beside the bed. _Dave. Oh god, Dave's here. Shit. Ok, I remember what happened there, unfortunately. _

Abby slowly sat up. _And now I know I'm in blinding pain. _Abby collapsed onto her back. Her entire body ached. She wanted to curl up into a foetal position, but found that only hurt her more. She groaned, then began to cough.

"Abby?" Dave had woken up now and was stood over the bed. "I'll get someone."

A couple of minutes later, he came back bringing a doctor she did not recognise with him. Dave hung back against the opposite wall. The doctor walked over to the side of the bed and began checking her vitals. A nurse soon joined him. Everything seemed to have gone hazy, and Abby began to panic as she was suddenly struggling to breathe. She could hear odd bits of the conversation. "Pupils are equal and reactive. BP's…"

"What about her…" 

"Ok, Abby, we're just going to…"

An oxygen mask was swiftly placed over her face. Her vision began to blur again and then there was darkness once again.

When she next woke up, she was thankful of two things; that she could see this time and that Dave was no longer in the room. He had however been replaced by Susan. This time Abby did not even attempt to sit up. 

"Hey." Susan glanced up from the book she was reading, stared at Abby for a second, then returned to her novel. 

Cautiously, Abby removed the oxygen mask from her mouth. "What happened?"

Susan closed the book and placed it on the bedside table. "I was hoping that you'd tell me. Are you really so stupid that you could do something like this? I didn't think you were capable of it, Abby. Did you not even think about your son?"

"Is Ryan ok?" 

Susan softened a little. "Yeah, he's fine. Chen's looking after him."

"Chen?" Abby was surprised. _I've hardly seen her since Ryan was born. Figured she was avoiding seeing him. That it would bring back memories of her own baby. _

"We've been taking turns. Me, Dave, Chen. We've been taking good care of him." Susan noticed Abby wince suddenly. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"Abby." Susan's tone told Abby not to lie to her.

"It just hurts." Abby sighed.

"I'll speak to the nurse. See if we can get you some more morphine."

"How bad is it?"

"What? Your injuries?" 

Abby nodded. 

"Not too bad considering."

"Considering what?"

"You had some internal bleeding, but they managed to get that under control. You were treated for head injuries and you've fractured your tib and fib in your left leg. Other than that, just a few cuts and bruises. Your blood alcohol level was through the roof. We were all worried when you didn't regain consciousness."

"How long have I been here?"

"Two days."

Abby managed to sit up. "Come on, Susan. You gonna tell me what happened?"

Susan sighed and moved to sit on the side of the bed. "We're really not sure. From what we know you were knocked down. Cops spoke to the driver. He said you just stepped out in front of the car. He was pulling out of a side street. If he had been going any faster…" Susan trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud.

"I don't remember. Oh god. I don't remember any of it." _I'm lying now. I do remember. I remember it all. I wish I didn't. Hearing Carter's voice hurt too much. I just wanted to numb the pain. Just a couple of drinks; that's all it was supposed to be. But I couldn't stop. I was too weak. _

"What's the last thing you do remember?"

Abby groaned. "Drinking a lot of Vodka. Trying to kiss Dave. Bad things."

"Dave never mentioned that."

"Oh god. He must hate me." _And why shouldn't he? I didn't want to be alone so I tried to use him. _

"No. He doesn't. He was really worried about you. And you owe him."

"Why?"

"They wanted to admit you to psych, but Dave wouldn't let them. Not 'til you woke up and we found out what really happened."

"You thought I was crazy? Trying to kill myself? Did you really think I would kill myself over this thing with Carter? And that I'd leave Ryan?" _How can I tell her that was what I was trying to do? To end it all. Just make the pain go away. I've let Ryan down already. After only four months. I let him down when I bought the vodka. That's why I did it. Cause I know he's better off with Carter. Better off without me._

"We didn't know what to think. I was worried you could be suffering from postpartum depression."

"I wasn't trying to commit suicide." _Will she believe me? Probably. People tend to believe what they want to. Carter would know though. But he's not here, thankfully._

"Good."

"I was just drunk."

"That's what Dave said."

"I need to talk to him, don't I?"

"Yeah. You're probably gonna be stuck in here for a bit. What do you want to do about Ryan?"

"I dunno. I don't want to ask you lot to put yourselves out any more."

"Your mom?"

"No. I mean last time I saw her she was on her meds but…no. I didn't even tell her about him."

"You could ask Carter?"

__

Carter? Yeah. Let's phone and ask Carter. He can come here, see what a mess I've made so far of motherhood, then take Ryan back to LA with him. I couldn't cope if that happened. I don't feel the same anymore. Something's different. I don't want to die anymore. I could hear Dave telling me to not go. I don't want to go anymore. I want to see my son. I miss him. I don't deserve Ryan. I really don't. But I can't lose him. I need him. He's all I've got left.

"No. Don't tell Carter. He has to stay in LA." _I notice how guilty she looks. _"You told him?" Abby asked incredulously. "Phone him back. Tell him I'm fine. Please Susan. I just can't see him right now."

"I can't. He's already on his way."


	12. Chapter 12

Carter was suddenly jolted awake as the plane hit slight turbulence. He glanced at his watch, quickly calculating the time until they landed in Chicago. Sighing, he leant back in the seat. Since he had left, he had imagined himself coming back under a thousand different circumstances; none of them had involved this situation. _She has to be ok. Somehow I know that she will be. I honestly couldn't say why. I know that'll it be awkward seeing her again, but I had to come. Even if she is fine, I still need to see her, to make sure. God, this is gonna be so difficult. Part of me just wants to talk to her; so I know that she's coping with this. The rest of me is so pissed off with her for doing this. I couldn't believe it when Susan told me she was drinking again. After I knew about Ryan, I convinced myself to stay here and not go back; that Abby would look after him, that I'd only get in the way. Now it looks like I made the wrong decision…again. Would this still have happened if I'd gone back?_

He sat forward now and held his head in his hands. _I shouldn't be thinking like this. I know that it's a waste of time thinking about all the 'What ifs'. I've had so many regrets in my life, especially where Abby is concerned; things I should have done, things I shouldn't. I can't change any of them. Oh god. Please let me have the chance to make things up to her._

Dave hung around outside the room, deliberating whether to go in or not. He had stayed away since Abby had first woken up, not feeling that he could face her. _What are you doing Malucci? What're you planning on doing if you don't go in? Hang around here forever?_ Taking a deep breath, he opened the door. Abby appeared to be asleep. He began to retreat out of the room.

"Aren't you gonna at least say hello?"

Abby startled him and he jumped slightly in surprise. "Jesus. What are you playing at? I thought you were asleep."

Abby sat up. "Nope."

"So you're just resting your eyes, right?"

"Just bored of staring at this room all the time."

Dave crossed over to the bed. "Ok. I remember from last time not to ask how you're feeling, so I don't really know how to start this conversation, except for talking about the weather, and I'm not too sure that'd go down well either. What with you being stuck in here."

Abby laughed. "When did you become such a babbler?"

"Right about the time, one of my best friends gets pissed, tries to kiss me and then runs off and nearly gets herself killed." Dave folded his arms, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

Abby's face fell. "So, there's no chance we can pretend it didn't happen?"

Dave shook his head. "Why? That's what I can't figure out. Why would you wanna do something like this?"

"Which part?" Abby sighed. "Carter phoned me. We got into an argument and I just couldn't handle it. I didn't mean to get drunk. And I didn't mean to get run over."

Dave studied her for a second. When she did not continue, he asked "And me? What was that about?"

Abby looked away. "I don't know. I was drunk. There's nothing more to it than that." 

Dave sat down now. "Ok, then. That's that." 

Abby cautiously glanced up at him. She got the feeling that this had affected him more than he let on, but not being able to cope with anything more right then, Abby changed the subject. "Susan tell you she phoned Carter?"

Dave nodded. "Yeah. She was worried you were gonna die. Thought he should know."

"I can't believe her. What did she expect him to do?"

"What he did do. Come back." 

"Yeah, but what if I don't want him here?"

Dave leant forward. "You were the one who told him about Ryan."

"Ok, fine. It's all my fault." Abby muttered sarcastically.

"No. No one's saying that. Susan just did what she thought was best. And it could have been worse."

"How?" 

Dave smiled slightly. "She could have phoned your mom."

"I think I would have preferred Maggie to Carter."

"Susan was only trying to look out for you."

"Great job she did. Let's have Carter come here and take Ryan away."

"He wouldn't do that, Abby. You know he wouldn't." _I can't believe that I'm sat here defending Carter. I know that someone needs to though. As much as I wish she wasn't, Abby's wrong bout this. _"I think you told Carter cause of two reasons. One, because you know that Ryan deserves to know his father and that Carter would make a good dad. And two, you're still in love with the guy."

Abby glared at him. "So now you suddenly know me? What I'm thinking?"

Dave stood up, and headed towards the door. He paused before leaving. "Listen, Abby. Take some advice from a friend. Try and sort things out with Carter. And if I'm wrong and you don't love him, then I'm sorry. But still try and at least get on civil terms. For Ryan's sake." 

Abby watched him leave. _He's picked a hell of a time to be right for the first time in his life. Doesn't mean that I have to listen to him though. I know what's best for me and Ryan. And that's not giving Carter the chance to leave us again._

Carter hesitated outside the doors to the ambulance bay. He was not quite sure why he had headed to the ER instead of just going straight up to see Abby. As he turned and began to walk away, he noticed Susan coming towards him from across the street. He briefly considered hiding from her, but she had already seen him. 

She ran the remaining distance. "Hey." He smiled half-heartedly.

"Hey." Susan hugged him briefly. "I'm glad you're here."

"Least someone is."

"Have you seen her?"

"Not yet." Carter sighed. "How is she?"

"Conscious. She'll be ok."

"Thank god." Carter glanced around nervously. "I don't think this is a good idea." 

"Why not?" Susan stood with her hands on her hips.

"She told me not to come. She hates me."

"Then seeing her can't make things any worse, can it?"

Carter stared at her for a moment, then glanced back towards County. "You sure about that?"


	13. Chapter 13

"So, you're in LA, thinking about the woman and son you left behind, when you get this phonecall."

At the sound of his voice, Abby sat straight up in the bed. Carter was stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame.

"Carter." she breathed.

"It's your best friend telling you this woman's had an accident and could die. What do you do?" He entered the room now, but still kept some distance between them. "Do you A - stay where you are and forget about her or B - jump on a plane and dash back to see her?"

Abby stared at him for a few seconds. "Me? I'd take option C - kill the best friend for interfering."

Carter nodded and smiled slightly. "I'll remember to warn Susan about that." He hesitated for a moment, then crossed over to the bed. He remained standing though, busying himself with looking through the get well soon cards stood on the bedside table.

"I take it you went for B?"

Carter turned to face her, the smile now gone. "What did you expect me to do?" 

Abby looked away. "I don't know. If it was my choice you wouldn't have known about this."

Carter sat down now. "I'm glad I do." He paused. "But I'm not sure what to think about all this, how I should be feeling."

"Carter, I…"

"No. Just listen to me Abby." he told her harshly. "When you told me about Ryan, you said you could take care of him; that you didn't need me. I believed you. I trusted you. And then you do something like this."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself!"

"Let me finish." Carter banged his fist down on the table. "I…" he trailed off. He studied her, his brow furrowed. "What did you say?" She didn't answer him. "What do you mean you weren't trying to kill yourself?"

Abby sighed as realisation hit her; that Susan could have left out the suicide part. "You meant you couldn't believe I'd started drinking again." 

"Susan said you got hit by a car. What really happened?"

"That's what happened."

Carter fell silent. Leaning forward on the bed, he rested his head on his hand.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself." Abby repeated, determined to convince him that was the truth.

"Then why mention it?"

"Luka, Susan, everyone thought that I tried to commit suicide."

"Ok."

Abby could see doubt in his eyes; he knew the truth, but she wasn't ready to admit it to him yet. 

"So," he continued, "why were you drinking?" His tone had softened now.

"Because of you." Abby replied, fighting back tears.

He gave her the chance to carry on talking. When she didn't, he pressed on "What did I do?"

"You…I…everything. Nothing. I don't know, Ok? I just don't know."

Seeing that she was falling apart, he quickly ended the conversation. "How long since you last escaped from here?"

Abby wiped her eyes, ashamed she had broke down in front of him; trying desperately to gain her composure. "Not since the accident. Why?"

"Let's get out of here. Get some fresh air."

"Erm, Carter." Abby pointed at her leg.

"Not a problem." Carter stood up and headed for the door. "Give me five minutes."

He returned in three, bringing with him a wheelchair.

"Carter." Abby rolled her eyes, but could not help smiling.

"Don't worry. I'll have you back before dinner. I know how much you must love the food in here."

Neither of them spoke until they reached the river. As soon as Carter took them in that direction, Abby knew where they were headed. When they reached the bench, Carter took a couple of steps away from her. He walked across to the railing, leaning against it and looking out over the river. Abby sighed. She was glad to be out of the hospital but this place had a lot of memories for her, not all of them good. She let the silence continue for a while; content to just watch him. 

"When I was lying in that hospital, I kept thinking about all the things I'd never get to do."

"Like what?"

"Stupid stuff mostly. Like see Ryan walk for the first time; hear him speak."

"It's normal after a experience like that, to evaluate your life." He kept his back to her.

Abby hesitated. "Is that what you did after you were stabbed?"

He turned to face her now. "Yeah. I did a lot of that. Thinking about everything I regretted not doing, all the chances I had let go."

Abby opened her mouth to speak, but then seemed to change her mind and close it again.

"What?" Carter asked, curious.

"Nothing." Abby blushed. "It's stupid."

"Tell me."

"I was just wondering if there was one place where you'd have regretted not going?"

Carter seemed to think for a minute. "I dunno. I can't say as I 've thought about it. I mean there's a lot of places I'd like to go, but not one specific place, no. What about you?"

She did not hesitate before answering. "Boston."

Carter looked confused. "Boston?"

Abby nodded.

"Boston? Sorry, but Boston?" he laughed.

"I told you it was stupid."

"No. I'm just surprised. It's not the most exotic of locations, that's all." Abby looked away. He dropped the conversation, sensing her discomfort. "I was half expecting your mom to be here."

"No. I never even told her about Ryan at all. Even if she's on her meds, I didn't want her around. I know it's mean but…"

"It's understandable." As the conversation died, he turned away once more.

Silence again.

Abby glanced around. "I haven't been back here since you left."

Carter turned to look at her. "Why not?"

Abby shrugged. "Too many painful memories."

"Sorry. Guess those are my fault, huh?" He turned away again.

"No." 

Carter spun around sharply, surprised. 

"Not all of them anyway." Abby smiled at him. 

He moved over to the bench and sat down. "I can't figure you out."

"No, you can. That was the problem."

"You were scared cause I knew you so well." Carte leant back, looking up at the sky now. "That's not what split us up though."

"No." Abby shook her head. "We did that ourselves."

He turned to look at her, a pained expression on his face, and then he quickly looked away. 

They sat in silence once again. Abby felt strange that she was the one who kept breaking it. In the past, it had always been Carter who had done that. Now though, she suddenly did not want to hide from him any longer. 

"I did step in front of that car on purpose."

He turned his head to the side, staring straight at her, but he did not say anything. He simply waited for her to talk, knowing this would be difficult for her to tell him.

She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts, trying to figure out the best way to explain everything to him. "After you phoned, I needed it to stop hurting. That's why I bought the vodka. I gave in. I just couldn't do it anymore. I thought that I could have one drink and that would be enough. That I could go back to normal afterwards. But…"

"But it doesn't work like that." Carter finished. "I made the same mistake and it cost me you."

"You'd have thought we both would have known better, after everything we've gone through." 

Carter just nodded.

"Afterwards, I realised that I'd let Ryan down. I just decided that it was best if I was out of his life. Then I couldn't let him down again." Abby felt herself beginning to cry again.

"You would have let him down more if you had killed yourself."

"I know." 

"And what about now? Do you still feel the same?"

Abby shook her head vehemently. "No. Since I woke up, I miss Ryan. I mean I know that Chen, Dave and Susan, they're all taking care of him but I can't wait to get home to him."

"Good." Carter leant towards her slightly. "Question is, where do we go from here?"

"You mean us?"

He nodded.

"We don't. I can't do that right now." 

Carter looked crushed. "Abby, I miss you. I want to be with you. I want to be with Ryan."

"The truth is, I don't know what I want. I'd have thought you'd be used to that by now."

"You're one messed up woman, Abby Lockhart." He reached out and took hold of her hand and was thankful when she did not pull away. "It's part of why I love you."

"I love you too. But we've been here before."

"I know. We just seem to keep going round in circles." He released her hand.

"Maybe we should take the hint. Just give up."

"No. It'll happen some day. I can wait." Carter kissed her lightly. "But for now, I have to get back to LA."

Abby nodded sadly. "Do you want to see Ryan before you go?"

"Yeah. You don't mind?"

"No."

"Thanks. Let's get you back to the hospital before Susan finds out I kidnapped you."

"How long 'til you leave?" 

"Soon as possible. Makes it easier right?" Carter gently helped Abby back into the bed.

"Yeah. Easier."

"I'll go see Ryan tonight. That be ok?"

"Yeah. I'll let Susan know."

"Right then." Carter quickly headed towards the door.

"I'm sorry."

He turned around. "For what?"

She shrugged. "For dragging you out here. For sending you back. For not wanting to be with you. For pretty much everything."

He crossed back to the bed. He pulled her to him, just holding her close. "You're not the only one who has things to be sorry for." He could feel her crying into his shoulder. "I meant what I said about waiting. You know where I am."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Cause I love you. It's that simple." He stood up. "When you figure out what you want from your life, let me know." He paused in the doorway. "One thing, I gotta ask. Why Boston?"

Abby laughed. "We'll go there some day and then you can see for yourself."

Carter smiled. "That a promise?"

"Yeah."

"Ok then. I'll be waiting for your call."


	14. Chapter 14

"I can't believe he's real."

Susan glanced over Carter's shoulder. "Well he is."

Carter looked up, grinning. Carefully he carried Ryan over to the sofa. "I know."

"Is it weird?" Susan sat down in the armchair at the side of them.

"Yeah, a little bit. I mean, I didn't get the nine months warning you usually have before becoming a father." 

Susan leant back in the chair. _He'll make a great father. He's only been with Ryan for ten minutes and he's already a natural. _"You were really mad about that, weren't you?"

"Wouldn't you be?" Carter gazed down at the baby. "But I guess I understand why she didn't tell me."

"How are things between you and Abby?"

Carter sighed. "Not too bad. She let me see Ryan so that's a good sign."

"Yeah. I was surprised though. After the hell she gave me for telling you about the accident." Susan mused. "I'm also surprised that you're leaving tomorrow. You only just got here."

"I have to get back to work."

"Don't you want to stay a while? Spend some time with Ryan? You could at least stay 'til Abby gets out of hospital."

Carter shook his head. "I have to get back to work."

"Surely they'd give you time off for something like this?" Carter looked away. "What's the real reason?"

Carter hesitated. "Cause of Abby."

Susan rolled her eyes. "I don't believe this. The two of you are hopeless. You said yourself, things are better between you. She let you see Ryan, so she won't mind you hanging around for a bit. If you talk to her about it, she'll…"

"That's not what I mean." Ryan had fallen asleep, so Carter stood up and carried him back to his cot, Susan trailing after him. "Things are gonna always be complicated between us. Too much history, I guess." He placed Ryan in the crib, taking care not to wake him. "Staying here is too hard on both of us. Course I want to be with Ryan. If I thought that Abby would let me take him back to LA 'til she recovers, I'd do that." He turned to look at Susan. "Once things have settled down and Ryan's older, we'll sort something out."

Susan looked sceptical. She was about to say something when she heard the front door open. She knew that Dave was the only other person who had a key to Abby's apartment. She hadn't been expecting him though. She was supposed to be staying with Ryan until the next day. She left the room, leaving a confused Carter. 

Dave was placing some groceries in one of the cupboards. "Hey. I got some shopping. We were running low on a few things." 

"I didn't think I would see you today." Before she could say anymore, Carter entered the room.

"What's he doing here?" Dave dropped the rest of the bag of shopping on the table, and took a step towards Carter.

"What am I doing here? How come you're here?" He turned to Susan. "How come he has a key?"

Dave folded his arms. "Abby gave it to me. I'm staying here half of the time, so she thought I might as well."

"Yeah. Dave's been helping out with Ryan." Susan moved in-between the two of them, remembering Carter duelling with Luka when he had been jealous of his relationship with Abby.

Now though, Carter seemed calm. He just nodded. "Makes sense. Sorry, Dave. Just surprised to see you." Carter offered Dave his hand.

Dave ignored him. "Does Abby know he's here? That you let him see Ryan?"

Susan rolled her eyes. "Yes. She told me Carter could see him."

"Ok then. I'll just leave you to it." Dave started towards the door.

"You don't have to leave cause of me." Carter told him.

Dave stopped and turned around. "I'm not."

"Then stay. Have a cup of coffee or something." Carter shrugged.

Dave studied him for a moment. "Ok. I got time before I need to be at work."

Susan stayed silent, watching the two of them. _Oh fun. Coffee with Carter and Dave. Shouldn't Abby be the one dealing with this? It's not like either of them's in love with me. I guess that it's down to jealousy that Dave's being so cold. If he was just a friend then he would want what's best for Abby. I'm surprised Carter's being so reasonable, but he knows that Abby and Dave have become close lately. Plus he probably thinks he has nothing to worry about. I'm not so sure though. _

"Well, that was fun. We have to do it again some time." Susan muttered sarcastically as she closed the door behind Dave. 

Carter was lying on the couch, he looked up and laughed. "I take it you're not a big fan of Malucci?"

"Not really. I mean he seems nice enough. He's good to Abby. And He's great with Ryan." 

Carter frowned. 

"It's just…he's just not you."

Carter laughed again. "Thanks." He sat up. "It's nice that someone misses me."

"Everyone misses you. The ER's not the same without you. And I know that whatever she says, Abby misses you too."

"I know she does. She can't lie to me. Even now." 

"Then stay."

"I can't. Plus I think that she needs some space right now." He stood up. "I'd better go. I have a flight early tomorrow and I said that I'd spend tonight with Gamma."

He quickly went to say goodbye to Ryan and then grabbed his jacket and crossed over to the door. He paused and hugged Susan.

"I don't want you to go." she confessed.

"I miss you too."

She let go and looked up at him. "Are you really not gonna fight for Abby? I mean I gave you up so you could be with her."

Carter smiled. "Now's not the time. But it's ok. Me and Abby, we'll be together one day. Probably in Boston."

"Huh?"

He didn't answer. He just grinned, winked at her and left.


	15. Chapter 15

"He went down pretty easy."

Abby glanced up as Dave appeared from Ryan's room. "Thanks for seeing to him. I can't wait 'til I get rid of this cast and can actually walk again."

Dave joined her at the kitchen table. He pulled out a chair and sat down. "How's it feel to be finally out of that place?"

"Good. I just hate being so helpless." she sighed.

"Well, you got people to help you out. Me, Susan, Chen are all here for you." Dave leant back in the chair stretching.

"I know. And I'm grateful. It's just…"

"You're sick of the sight of us?" Dave laughed.

"Yeah." Abby grinned.

"Though, you do know just cause you get rid of the cast doesn't mean you get rid of us?"

"Would if I moved to Mexico."

"That would get rid of me and Chen, but I get the feeling Susan would track you down and drag you back to Chicago."

Abby smiled. "And you wouldn't?"

"Nope. I'd just wait for Susan to do it." When Abby raised an eyebrow, he added "What? I'm lazy, ok? It's a long way from here to Mexico."

"It's good to know I'm not worth the effort of travelling to Mexico." Abby glared, pretending to be angry. 

"Sorry," Dave held his hands up. "I'd go as far as California, but I draw the line at leaving the country."

"Thanks. That means a lot to me." Abby muttered sarcastically.

"Hey, it's further than I've ever been willing to go for any other woman."

When he noticed Abby look away, Dave quickly changed the subject. "So, anything good on TV tonight?"

Susan knocked again on Abby's door. After the accident, she was always worried if Abby did not answer the door or phone immediately. Before she could knock again, the door was opened by Dave. 

"Sorry. I musta fell asleep." He opened the door wider to let her in.

"Where's Abby?"

"Hospital. She's having the cast removed today." Dave yawned.

"How come you've not gone with her?"

"I dropped her off, then brought Ryan back here." 

Susan sighed. "You're looking after Ryan a lot lately." 

Dave shrugged. "So?"

"It's just that it seems Abby's always got someone else looking after him."

"She can't manage on her own." Dave stated simply.

"I'm just worried that she's relying on other people too much. It's like she's avoiding spending any time with Ryan."

Dave shook his head. "That's rubbish. She takes good care of him."

"Alright. Let her know I stopped by." Not wanting to argue with Dave, Susan quickly left. Something told her that Abby was still not back to her old self, but she did not know what she could do about it. She just wished Carter was there.

"So, Abby Lockhart, tell me how it feels to be able to walk again?"

Abby laughed when she opened the door to find Dave with a bunch of flowers. "What are they for?"

"You." Dave brushed past her and entered the apartment. He held up the bottle he was carrying. "Sparkling water." Dave frowned. "I forgot the chocolates though."

Abby stared at him in disbelief. "Is there a reason for all this?"

"To celebrate you having your cast removed." Dave handed her the bottle and flowers. "And also that I no longer have to do everything around here. Society says that men and women are equal so you can open that, pour us a glass each and put the flowers in water all by yourself."

Abby scowled at him. "Did you know I'm not really a feminist?"

"Tough." Dave removed his jacket. "How's Ryan?"

Abby walked over to the kitchen. "Fine." Placing the bottle on the side, she began looking for a vase. "You know, I'd have preferred the chocolates. Or ice cream would have been nice."

"What's wrong with the flowers?"

Abby stared at them for a second. "They're not dead."

"Huh?"

At Dave's confused expression, Abby rolled her eyes and muttered "Never mind."

"So," Dave glanced across to Abby, who was currently sprawled out on her sofa. "you really weren't impressed by the flowers and stuff?"

Abby took her eyes off the movie for a moment and looked over at Dave. She shook her head, then turned back to the TV. 

Dave sat forward in the chair. "So what does impress you?"

Abby shrugged, but didn't turn to face him.

"Come on, help me out here." Dave pressed.

Abby rolled her eyes. "Staying quiet when I'm trying to watch a film."

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

Dave stood up and moved over to the sofa. He motioned for Abby to move so he could sit down. Abby glared at him, but pulled her knees up to her chest to make room for him.

"I only wanna know so I don't end up pissing you off again."

"I'm not pissed off." Abby sighed.

"So flowers are out. So's water. But chocolates and ice cream's good. Right?" When she didn't answer him, Dave leant over her and grabbed the remote off the coffee table.

"Hey!" Abby protested when he switched off the TV. "I was watching that."

"Well, now you're not." 

"Look Dave, We're already good friends, so you don't need to impress me. But if you want things to stay like that, then I suggest you turn the film back on."

"Humour me."

Abby made a grab for the control but Dave easily avoided her and leapt up, moving out of her reach.

Abby gave in. "Ok, I'm listening."

"Good." Dave sat back down in the armchair. "So, how does a guy impress you?"

Abby paused for a minute. "I honestly don't know. There's nothing specific." Abby smiled at him. "Sorry, I can't be more helpful. Can we have the movie back on?"

"Fine. Keep your secrets." Dave, surrendering, held up his hands. "I'll figure it out myself." he muttered under his breath. 

Susan shook her head. "Oh come on. Are you so stupid that you'd agree to marry the guy?" She lay back on the couch and rolled her eyes at the television as the woman on screen accepted the proposal. Popping another chocolate into her mouth, she mumbled "Come on, Sadie. Go after Dwayne instead." Susan sighed as someone knocked at her door. Sitting up, Susan quickly turned off the TV and headed across to answer it. She was surprised to find Abby stood on the doorstep.

"Hey." Abby stood awkwardly, glancing around the corridor.

"Come in." Susan stood aside to let Abby past.

"You busy? Hope you don't mind me turning up like this." Abby entered the apartment, hovering just inside the door. 

"Not at all. Is something wrong?" Susan closed the door. 

"You tell me." Abby pushed a stray strand of hair out of her eyes. "I ain't seen much of you lately."

"Well, yeah. I figured you'd be glad of the space now you're mobile again." Susan paused. "Plus it gives you more time to spend with Dave."

"What are you talking about?"

"Who's looking after Ryan?"

Abby folded her arms. "Chen. And don't change the subject."

"It was just a question. Don't you think that other people are taking care of him more than you?" Susan walked past her and headed for the couch. "It just seems that you spend little time with him."

Abby crossed her arms. "That's not fair."

"Just telling you how it looks. I mean, last time I went over to yours, Dave was looking after Ryan."

"What's the problem you have with Dave?"

"I don't have a problem. You can spend time with whoever you want."

"There's nothing going on between us." Abby moved to join Susan on the couch.

"I know."

"Then what's up? Have I done something to make you mad at me?"

Susan sighed in frustration. "Listen Abby, have you considered that I just need some space. I helped you out with Ryan; took care of him til you got better. Now I just want some time for my own life. Ok?"

"Fine. I'll leave you alone." Abby jumped up and bolted for the door.

Susan made no attempt to stop her. She could see what was happening between Abby and Dave, and did not want to be there when it all went wrong. 

"Ice cream for m'lady."

Abby shook her head. It was becoming a regular occurrence to open her door to find Dave had stopped by unexpected. "More ice cream? I still have the stuff from last night."

"I thought you liked ice cream." Dave looked disappointed by her reaction.

"Yeah, but there's only so much I can eat."

"You ate more than this when you were pregnant."

"Yeah." Abby admitted. "That was a craving."

"If you say so." Dave smiled.

"I guess you'd better come in."  Abby led him to the kitchen table and gestured for him to sit down. She forced the tub of ice cream into the freezer, squashing it beside the three tubs she still had left from Dave's previous visits. Closing the freezer door, she joined him at the table. "So any particular reason you're here tonight?"

Dave shrugged. "I had nothing better to do, so thought I'd come and keep you company."

"Am I becoming a charity case?" Abby questioned.

"No." Dave laughed. "Ok, I confess. I like spending time with you."

"I like you too."

"You wanna watch another film tonight?"

"Depends on if you'll be quiet throughout and if the TV stays on this time."

"I'll be on my best behaviour. Promise."

"Ok then. Is there anything on TV or are we making a trip to the video store again?" Abby stood up and crossed over to the TV. Dave watched her for a moment, leaning back in the chair. "I can't do this anymore." 

Abby turned quickly to face him. "Can't do what?"

"I'm sorry. I thought I could handle it, but I can't. I'm just gonna go." He started to walk towards the door. 

"Hey, I'm kinda confused here. What's this about?"

Dave stopped in the doorway, but kept his back to her. "It's about you… About us."

Abby walked across to him. "Dave, don't do this. I couldn't cope with you not being in my life right now."

He turned to look at her. "Cause you need me as a friend? Or cause you need me to look after Ryan? Where are we going Abby? Am I just a babysitter to you?"

Abby broke eye contact with him. "You know you're not."

"I don't feel it." Dave sighed. "I can't figure you out. And I don't think even you know what you want right now. I thought you were in love with Carter, but when he shows up, you tell him to go back to LA."

"I do know how I feel. And I don't regret Carter leaving again."

"Then what about me? You know how you feel there?" 

Abby moved so she was stood directly in front of him. He started to say something else but she did not give him chance. She leant in and kissed him gently. He responded, deepening the kiss. He moved his hands to the small of her back and pulled her closer to him. Abby began to unbutton his shirt. Without breaking the kiss, she led him to the bedroom.  


	16. Chapter 16

Dave rolled over, stretching. He slowly opened his eyes, then closed them again. He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. He took a deep breath, before opening his eyes and glancing around the room. No, he hadn't been dreaming. He was in Abby's bedroom and Abby was curled up asleep beside him. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and considered making his usual bolt for the door. He scanned the room and managed to locate all of his clothes except for his left sock. He quickly calculated how long it would take for him to get dressed, gather his things and make it out of the apartment. He guessed that as long as he didn't stop to look for the missing sock, he could escape before Abby woke up. 

He shifted position carefully, trying not to wake Abby. Taking another look at her, he paused. He sat up and studied her for a moment. He was suddenly left wondering why he was planning on running out on her. This was what he had wanted and he didn't regret it. Maybe for once he should stay and face the consequences of his actions. Or not. Before he could make a decision, Abby began to move. Panicking, he lay back down on his side, and closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep. He felt the bed move as Abby sat up. He stayed where he was. He heard her get up and half opened his eyes. She was picking a top out of her wardrobe, frantically pulled it over her head and then grabbed some pants. He watched her struggle to get dressed for a moment and then spoke. "You know, it's not normal for a person to run out of their own apartment."

Abby trying to finish getting dressed, nearly fell over. "Jesus…" She stood, looking embarrassed, refusing to make eye contact with him. "I have a shift." she lied. 

"Who's looking after Ryan?"

Abby pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Ok, I don't have a shift." She moved back to the bed and sat on the edge. "I just didn't want to deal with this right now."

"If it makes you feel any better, I was considering making a run for it."

"What changed your mind?"

Dave grinned. "I thought you'd send Susan after me." He leaned towards her. "She's one scary woman."

Abby smiled, then quickly looked away again.

Dave sighed. "Abby, last night…"

"Don't…" Abby interrupted. 

"Let me say this, please."

Abby glanced at him for a second, nodded, then went back to studying the carpet.

"Last night…what happened, it meant a lot to me. I just wanted you to know that. Even though I can tell you regret it, and that I'm about to receive my first rejection from a woman…"

"First?" 

Dave shrugged. "Yeah."

"Find that hard to believe." Abby laughed. 

Dave ignored her and continued "What I'm trying to say is that I don't regret sleeping with you. Whatever happens from here, I just wanted you to know that." He looked away and stood up, beginning to get dressed. 

Abby watched him. "How much is it worth to keep quiet about how sensitive you really are?"

Dave laughed. "Not enough you break my heart, you gotta blackmail me too, Lockhart?"

Abby stood up and walked over to him. "Do you have a heart to break?"

Dave picked his shirt off the floor. "Have you seen my other sock?"

"Dave…"

"I'm sure I had two of them last night."

Abby yelled "Dave!"

He paused and looked at her, but didn't answer.

"I don't regret last night either."

Her response surprised him and he stood in silence for a moment. "You don't think it was a mistake?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Well, I'm not exactly shocked." Dave smirked. "I've never had any complaints in the past. Women are normally left satisfied."

Abby rolled her eyes. "I'm not saying a word."

"Cause you'd have to admit I'm fantastic." Dave beamed. 

Abby shrugged. "Nothing special." She watched his expression fall, then grinned and turned away, leaving the room. 

After a while Dave followed her out, fully dressed. Abby was busy in the kitchen. "I just checked on Ryan and he's still fast asleep. That's the first night he's slept so long. You're gonna have to stay over more often."

"That a promise?" Dave joined her, leaning against the worktop. 

"Maybe. You want coffee?"

"No, I really should get going. I gotta get to work. And unlike you, I actually have a real shift."

"You wanna come over after you finish?" Abby turned to look at him. 

"You not on today?" Dave moved to the couch and picked up his jacket.

"Nope." 

"Yeah, I'll see you later." He opened the door to leave, then paused. "Abby, you really want to make a go of this?"

Abby hesitated, then nodded.

"Ok. I'll see ya." He disappeared outside. 

Abby sat down on the sofa and ran a hand through her hair. She reached for the phone and made a call. She heard it ring a few times before the answer machine clicked on. "Hi, this is Susan. I'm not home right now, I'm probably at work. So if it's important try me there, otherwise leave a message."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Abby rolled her eyes. She was hit by a sudden feeling of déjà vu, finding an incredulous Susan stood on her doorstep. "Ok, Susan, remember the little talk we had about starting conversations with hello?"

Susan pushed past her and entered the apartment. "When you leave a message on my answer phone saying you slept with Malucci, then you don't get a hi, how are you. You get me asking, how stupid _are you?"_

"Thanks." Abby laughed.

"Were you drunk?"

"What? No." Abby shook her head.

"Sorry." Susan paused. "So not satisfied with kissing the guy when drunk, you have to go and have sex with him when sober?"

"You know me, always gotta be making things more complicated." Abby crossed the room and picked Ryan up from where he had been playing. 

"He's sitting up on his own?" Susan walked over to them.

"Yeah, started last week. If you'd been about, you'd have known."

Susan sighed. "Look, he's not my kid. I don't have to take care of him. I help out cause you're my friend." 

Abby carried him to the sofa and sat down, Susan following. 

"I know. I'm sorry." Abby picked up a stuffed giraffe off the floor and handed it to Ryan. 

Susan smiled. "Cute."

"Dave bought it for him." Abby frowned as Ryan put it in his mouth. "Though, you're not supposed to eat it, honey." She tired to take it off him, but he began to whimper. She got up and moved to the kitchen. 

"We gonna talk about the Dave situation?" Susan glanced quickly over to Abby, then returned to watching Ryan. 

"I don't know what to do." Abby came back, took the toy off her son and before he could start to cry, replaced it with a dummy. "At first I thought I'd made a huge mistake, now I'm not so sure."

"You shouldn't lead him on." 

"I'm not." Abby sat back down. "I care about him. I do."

Susan looked at her, sceptical. "The guy's crazy bout you. He doesn't deserve you playing him."

"I thought you were meant to be _my friend?" Abby leant back and closed her eyes._

"I am. I just don't wanna see you make a mistake."

Abby took a deep breath. "As long as we both go into this knowing it's not something serious, just a bit of fun, it can't do any harm right?"

"As long as you both feel the same." Susan warned softly.

Abby opened her eyes and sat up. "We do. I mean, it's not like Dave's in love with me, right?"

Susan raised an eyebrow. 

"This is Dave we're talking bout. He's never had a long term relationship in his life, and I don't think he ever will do. He's not the settling down type."

"You sure bout that?"

Abby nodded, more to convince herself than Susan. "Yeah, I'll just see how it goes. Nothing'll come of it."

"How long do you reckon it'll be before he starts crawling?"

Abby entered Ryan's room to find Dave on the floor playing with Ryan's building blocks, while Ryan was watching him quizzically. 

"Babies normally begin around seven, eight months I think." She sat down beside them. 

So, another month or two?" Dave placed another block on top of the tower he was busy building. 

"You having fun there, Dave?"

He looked up embarrassed. "I was just showing Ryan what to do."

"That right, Ryan?" He glanced at her, then reached out knocking down the tower. 

"Hey, you're supposed to be on my side here, man." Dave shook his head.

Abby laughed. "Even he can see right through you." 

Dave scowled at her. "He's got an evil streak in him just like his mom." He stood up, stepping over her and walking towards the door. "Should've called him Damien." 

"Hey, that's my son you're talking about. You'll be sleeping on the sofa tonight if you keep on." Abby grinned at him.

"I don't think so." Dave paused in the doorway "I'd just go back to mine place."

"You remember where you live?" Abby looked up at him.

"Yeah." 

"Just as you're practically living here, I thought you must have forgot." Abby teased. "Or been kicked out."

Dave came and knelt down beside her. "Nope. Just knew that you'd miss me if I weren't here." He placed a hand on her cheek and turned her face towards him, leaning in and kissing her. When they parted, he leapt up and returned to the door. "You want a cup of coffee?"

"Yeah." She grinned as she watched him leave. Turning to Ryan, she noticed him smiling at her.  "You like him too, huh?" He responded by trying to eat a building block. "Evil, you may be, but not too smart yet are you?" she muttered taking the block off him and shaking her head.


	17. Chapter 17

Abby hurried through the ambulance bay doors. Dave struggled to keep up with her, carrying Ryan. "Hey, slow down, will ya?"

Abby threw him a look, sighed, then stopped. "I'm late, and you do remember what Weaver's like as a boss?"

Dave shuddered. "Yeah, right. Go. I'll get him up to day-care."  

"Thanks." Abby kissed him quickly and then disappeared into the lounge. 

"Well, just you and me, champ." Dave made a start towards the elevators, when he noticed Kerry heading straight towards him. He glanced around, looking for somewhere to hide, but she had already seen him.

"Malucci." She walked over to him.

He put on his best fake smile, normally enough to charm any woman, but not Weaver. "Dr Weaver." _Be polite. Otherwise she'll take it out on Abby._ "How are things?"

"Not too bad. You?"

"Yeah, good. Things are good." He stood there awkwardly. "Well, I'm just gonna get Ryan up to day-care and then get off to work." He moved past her, not bothering to look back.

Kerry watched him go, then headed over to the desk. "Where's Abby?"

Frank kept his eyes on the computer screen. "In the lounge."

 Kerry, nodded, then looked over to Chen who was filling in a chart. "Are other people still helping her take care of Ryan?"

Chen didn't look up. "Only Dave."

"They're going out." Chuny caught the conversation as she passed by. 

"Abby and Malucci? Since when?" Malik joined them, placing a chart in the rack. He leant against the counter.

Chen put down the chart and walked over to the board, wiping her name off. "I'm not sure." 

Weaver shook her head, and began to go through the rack.

"He's been dropping her off at work every morning for the past three weeks." Frank dodged around Chen, picking up a pile of paperwork and then walking back to the computer.

"Thanks, Frank." Chen muttered sarcastically.

Chuny came back across. "According to a friend that works at Northwestern, he's had Abby's home number added to his contact numbers."

"So he's moved in?" Malik grinned. "He's fast, I'll give the guy that."

"Who's fast?" No one noticed Abby appear from out of the lounge. 

"No one." Malik mumbled, then headed for triage. 

Abby turned to Chuny who just shook her head. "I have no idea. You know Malik." She disappeared down the corridor. 

Before Abby could say anything else, Luka entered with the paramedics and a gurney. "Frank, what's open?"

"Trauma two."

Luka called "Abby, can you help with a GSW?"

With a last suspicious glance at Chen and Frank, she followed Luka.

"Abby, you got a minute?"

Abby sighed. Finally finished her shift, twenty minutes later than she should have, and she can't even escape the ER then. Instead collared by Weaver. She closed her locker and slowly turned around. "Yeah, sure. What's up?"

Weaver pointed towards the sofa. "Come and sit down." 

Abby rolled her eyes, expecting a warning about her being late that morning.

Weaver sat beside her, studying her hands. She looked up. "You know I don't approve of gossiping and I'll put a stop to it."

Abby nodded. 

"It's just that I'm a little concerned about you."

"Why?" Abby folded her arms, not sure where this was going.

"Well, I've just heard that you're dating Malucci…"

Abby frowned at her. "And?"

"It's just, I had one nurse here who risked her career over a doctor who practised cowboy medicine, a guy took chances and didn't care who they took down with them. Malucci's just the same as he was."

"We're not even working together." Abby stood up and picked up her bag and started to walk out.

"Abby, I know it's none of my business…"  

Abby pushed open the door and then paused. "Look, Dr Weaver, I appreciate your concern, but you don't need to worry. It's not like Dave works at County. Having a relationship with him isn't gonna affect my work." 

"Ok." Weaver nodded. After Abby had left, she muttered "It's not just your job I'm worried about."

"You fancy getting some Chinese in for dinner? Save cooking." Dave closed the freezer and glanced over to the sofa. He frowned to see that Abby had disappeared on him. He found her in Ryan's room, stood over his cot, watching him sleep.

"You ok?" he asked, standing behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. 

"Yeah." She turned around and moved her hands behind his neck, resting her head against his chest.

"What's wrong?"

"What was your dad like?"

"My old man?" Dave shrugged. He seemed to consider the question for a moment, but then simply said "Not like me."

"You didn't get along?"

Dave sighed. "Let's just say you're not the only one who had a hard time when they were a kid."

Sensing that it wasn't a topic he wanted to talk about, Abby let it go. "I don't remember too much bout my dad. He left when I was still a kid. And I'm just thinking about Ryan having to grow up without a father, all because of a choice that I made."

She felt Dave tense slightly. "He doesn't have to be without a dad."

"Why you after the job?" she laughed. 

"I wouldn't turn it down." 

Abby looked away sharply. 

"I didn't mean making it official or anything. Carter will always be his dad, but I'm around, you know."

"I know." Abby smiled and hugged him. Unnoticed by Dave though, the smile quickly disappeared. 

Susan found herself talking under her breath as she entered the lounge. She headed straight for the coffee and began pouring a cup. 

"You know, they'll lock you up for less than that."

She spun around sharply, somehow managing not to spill the mug. "Jesus." She shook her head at Chen, sat at the table reading. "You trying to kill me?" 

Chen laughed. "Sorry."

Susan finished getting her drink, then joined her at the table. "How come you get to hide out in here? It's chaos out there."

Chen glanced at her watch. "Cause I'm not on for another ten minutes and fortunately no one saw me sneak in."

"Lucky you."

"What time you on til?"

"Eight."

"Ouch. You working a double?"

Susan nodded, then buried her head in her hands. "I swear this place'll be the death of me. Remind me again why I came back here?"

"I think it's because you're clinically insane."

"Thanks." Susan looked up, and took a sip of her drink.

"Well, you were just talking to yourself."

"Ranting to myself. There's a difference. And what's your excuse for still working here?"

Chen stood up and moved over to her locker. "I'd miss Weaver too much."

Susan stared at her. "And you say I'm mad." She shook her head.

Chen sat back at the table. "You seen Abby lately?"

"Only at work. Why?"

"Just wondering how things are going with her and Dave."

 Susan stood up and began to search the fridge for anything edible. "Last I heard, they were getting on well."

"You don't sound happy about that?"

Susan gave up her quest and closed the door. "I just don't think they're right for each other. And that they're getting involved for the wrong reasons."

"And what are the right reasons for going out with someone?"

Susan sighed. "I just think Dave's…he's…"

"Not Carter?"

The lounge door suddenly opened and Frank stuck his head in the room. "Dr Chen, Dr Weaver's looking for you. And Dr Lewis, we got a GSW five minutes out." 

Susan tipped the rest of her coffee down the sink. "Why do I think today will never end?"

"Hey." 

"Hey. How did your shift go?" After a quick glance over to the front door, Abby carried on feeding Ryan.

Dave crossed straight over to the couch and lay down. "Busy." 

Abby smiled. "It's always busy."

"Really busy." Dave rubbed his neck. "How bout you?"

"Same. Must be the weather. Making people crazy." Abby gave up trying to force Ryan to eat and lifted him out of his highchair.

"Could be. Gotta be some explanation for it."

Abby placed Ryan on the floor in front of the sofa and made Dave move up, so she could sit down. "Chinese again tonight?"

Dave nodded. "Yeah. Sounds good."

"Think we should worry we're living off takeout?"

"No." Dave turned his head to look at her. "It's how I survived college."

"And why you can't cook now." 

"So what's your excuse?" 

"I can cook." Abby leant back and closed her eyes. "I just can't be bothered."

"And you call me lazy." Dave laughed. He quickly nudged Abby in the ribs. 

"Hey." She opened her eyes and glared at him. 

He pointed at Ryan who had begun to crawl towards the kitchen. "Is that new?"

Abby sat forward and nodded. "Yeah. First time." 

"Oh, man. How cool is this?" Dave grinned.

"Notice how he's crawling away from us though?" Abby frowned. "Aren't babies normally supposed to go_ towards the parents?"_

When Ryan stopped and sat back up, Dave went to him. "I wouldn't worry about…parents plural?" Dave looked back at her.

Abby stood up and walked over to join them. She shrugged. "I was thinking about what you said, and I guess that Ryan is gonna grow up seeing you as his dad." She paused. "I mean, if you stick around."

"I plan to." Dave assured her.

"Then nothing official of course, but he's bound to see you as his father."

"We could make it official." Dave studied her waiting for a response.

"What do you mean?"

Dave hesitated, glancing from her to Ryan, then back. "You could marry me."

Abby stared at him for a while, mouth open, then she burst into laughter. "For a moment there I thought you were serious." When Dave didn't share the joke, she frowned. "Oh god, you're serious." She walked over to the couch and sat down.

Dave picked up Ryan. "I know it seems like it's come from no where…"

"Seems like?" Abby asked incredulously.

"But I've been giving it a lot of thought." He placed Ryan in his playpen, then knelt down in front of Abby.

"This is insane."

"Must be the weather."

"Dave, we've been dating for all of six weeks." 

"I know. But I also know I've never felt about anyone like I do you." He paused and took a deep breath.  "I'm in love with you, Abby."

Abby held her head in her hands. "Dave, don't do this."

He laughed. "Do you know that's the first time I've said that to a woman? Because I've never wanted to before. It's never been true before."

Abby studied her hands, not being able to look him in the eye.

"I know I've thrown you with this, but it feels right, Abby." Dave took hold of her hands. "If you need time to think about this, then I'll go to my apartment, stay there til you've decided."

He started to stand up, but Abby kept hold of his hands. "No. I don't need time to think about it." She looked up at him. She studied him in silence for a minute, then looked over to Ryan. Eventually, she turned back to Dave. "Yes."

"Yes?" He knelt back down. He grinned slightly. "Yes for real?"

Abby nodded. "Let's do it. Let's get married."


	18. Chapter 18

"Alright, alright. Hold on." Susan yelled as there was another knock at her door.  Whoever it was appeared to have decided to try and punch a hole in it after getting no answer the first three or four times. Susan had come to the conclusion that they were not going to give up so easy and she dragged herself out of bed. Opening the door, she was surprised to find Abby and Ryan stood in the hallway. 

"Hey." Susan opened the door fully to let Abby in. "What's with the early morning visit?"

"It's half past ten." Abby entered the room, leaving Ryan's pushchair by the door, she lifted him out.

Susan closed the door. "And to a doctor who worked a double yesterday, it's early."

"Sorry. What time did you finish?" 

"Eight last night." 

Abby raised an eyebrow. 

"Ok, it's not early. But I deserve a lie-in, right?" Susan laughed. "Do you want coffee?"

"Yeah, thanks." Abby followed her into the kitchen. She gently placed Ryan down at the side of the table, and then sat down herself. "Ryan's started crawling."

Susan turned around, smiling. "That's great. Is that why you came over? To play the proud mom?" She went back to making the drink.

"No. I have something to tell you. I phoned last night but you must have still been at work."

Sensing this was something important, Susan lifted two mugs out of the cupboard and then joined Abby at the table. "You could have left a message on the machine."

"Yeah, but after last time, I figured that you'd come over and break the door down."

Susan placed her elbows on the table and supported her head in her hands. "What have you done now?"

"Dave asked me to marry him."

Susan burst out laughing. 

"It's not funny." Abby frowned and folded her arms in indignation.

"I'm sorry. What did he say when you turned him down?" Susan managed to stop giggling. When Abby looked away and turned her attention to Ryan, Susan sighed. "Abby…" she started gently. "Tell me you said no."

Abby didn't answer. 

"Abby…you can't marry the guy."

Abby looked up sharply. "Why not?"

"Abby, you know I'm your friend, right? So I say this with the best of intentions, you're insane. I mean really crazy insane."

Abby laughed softly. "Maybe I am. But this feels like the right thing to do."

"Right thing for you or for Ryan?"

Abby studied the floor. "I thought you were making coffee?"

"Abby's not in. She's at work." Dave shifted uneasily. For some reason Susan always made him nervous. He kept the apartment door open just a foot, leaving Susan stood in the hallway.

"I know. It's you I wanted to talk to." Susan pulled her coat around her as the draft in the corridor made her shiver. "Can I come in, or you gonna make me stand here the whole time?"

Dave opened the door and stood aside. Susan brushed past him. She didn't bother to go and sit down, choosing instead to hover just inside the apartment. "So, it's big news at County. The engagement."

"I thought it would be. Bet Abby's getting real pissed off with all the attention." Dave leant against the door, not even attempting to make her feel welcome.

"Yeah, she's hiding a lot. The roof, drug lockup, ambulance bay, pretty much anywhere she can. Oddly enough, Gallant's gotten really good at finding her." Susan stared at Dave coldly. "The only other person who knew where to look for her was Carter." She watched him, trying to judge his reaction. He just seemed to shrug it off. 

"Yeah, Abby's not the kind of woman who likes people butting into her business." He informed her pointedly. 

"Look, Dave, we're too old to be playing games here, so I'm just gonna say what I came here to say." She paused for a moment. "I don't want to see Abby get hurt. That's why I think you're making a huge mistake with this marriage idea. You're both doing this because of Ryan, not for yourselves."

Dave folded his arms. "I love Abby. And she loves me."

"Do you really love her? I know you care about her, and she cares about you, I believe that. But is it Abby you love, or playing dad to Ryan?"

Dave glared at her. "I love Abby. I won't hurt her." 

"You've not even been going out that long."

"It doesn't matter." Dave opened the door. "I think you should go. Get out of our apartment."

Susan held up her arms in frustration. "Ok, I'll go. But you're making a mistake. If you really cared about Abby, you'd have walked away a long time ago. Let her sort things out with Carter. He is Ryan's dad."

"And you're an interfering bitch who has nothing better to do than try and run Abby's life. Carter left her, remember? And when you have a love life of your own then you'll be qualified to give advice to us."

Susan shook her head, and stepped out of the apartment, Dave slamming the door behind her. 

"No, I don't work here. I am a doctor though. Dr Dave."

Susan glanced up from the chart she was currently filling in to see Dave entering the ER with a young blond. He stopped just inside the doors and she watched him lean in towards the woman as he flirted with her. 

"And to think, he's getting married in a week."

Susan turned her attention to the other side of the admin desk, where Haleh and Chuny were also watching Dave. 

"He know his rep. Can't stop chasing women. Abby's a fool. Especially if she thinks he's been faithful all this time they've been dating." Chuny shook her head.

"What, all of eight weeks?" Haleh sighed.

"Ten dollars says he'll be cheating on Abby within a month." 

"Oh, honey, I don't give him that." 

"Hey, don't we have patients to see?" The nurses were startled by the sudden appearance of Weaver. "Let's work on clearing the board here, shall we?"

The two nurses quickly disappeared towards triage. 

"Susan?" 

Susan was still intently watching Dave, and didn't hear Kerry calling her name. "Susan?" Kerry raised her voice now.

"Yeah?" She spun around. 

"Where's Jerry?" 

Susan shrugged, leaving Weaver to wander over to the lounge searching for the missing desk clerk. 

Chuny stopped her escape from Weaver just long enough to pop into the drug lockup and warn Abby "You're fiancé's getting bored waiting for you."

Before Abby could ask what she was talking about, she had disappeared into an exam room. The first thing Abby noticed as she walked up the corridor was Dave and his new friend. The second was Susan spying on them from behind a chart. She made a mental note to tell Susan she really was no good at undercover work. At least she'd tell her when she was speaking to her again. Rolling her eyes, she approached Dave. "Dave, honey?"

He spun around harshly. "Abby, hi. I was just…this is Cindy. She was looking for a doctor, and I said I'd help her out."

"I bet you did." 

Dave looked guilty. 

"He's nice like that." Abby glared at Cindy. It had the desired effect and the woman made a quick exit.

Susan watched as Dave apologised profoundly to Abby. Chen joined her, leaning against the desk. "What's going on? Lover's tiff?"

"Looks like it?"

"Wedding off then?" As they watched, Abby kissed Dave and then headed back to the exam area. Dave watched her leave then headed upstairs towards day-care. 

"Apparently not." Susan sighed.

"Why do you sound so disappointed by that?"

Susan signed off on the chart and dropped it in the rack. "I just have a really bad feeling about the whole thing."

"Yeah, but Abby and Dave don't."

Susan smiled at her deviously. "Maybe if _you were to talk to Dave about it. Or to Abby even."_

"Oh no. I'm not getting involved. They seem happy so why wreck that?" Chen shook her head and crossed over to the board. "Any good patients need seeing?"

"I'd try again myself, but Dave hates me and Abby won't talk to me." Susan had a sudden idea. "We could set Dave up."

Chen laughed in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

"You could even do it. Seduce Dave and make sure Abby finds out." 

"Yeah and what do I get out of it when Abby beats me to death with a blunt object?"

"Abby wouldn't do that. Too messy. She'd strangle you with your own stethoscope." Susan grinned.

"Surprisingly, my answer's still no." Chen began searching through the rack to find a patient. 

"Ok, fair enough." Susan seemed to reconsider her idea for a moment. "Do you think Weaver would do it?"

"Now that's a good plan." Chen gave up and settled for a suture removal. "Except for three reasons.  One – Dave would be incredibly suspicious if Weaver suddenly came onto him. Two – Weaver would never sleep with Dave, even if she was straight. And most importantly, three – it's none of our business whether Abby marries Dave or not."

"But…"

"Susan, trust me on this. Let it go. If it is a bad idea then they'll find out eventually. Don't have Abby hating you for it."

Watching Chen walk over to curtain area three, Susan sighed in exasperation. She still planned to stop the wedding, but knew she couldn't do it on her own. Only one person would be likely to help her, and having run out of other ideas, she had no choice but to call him.

"Hello?" Carter had taken a while to answer the phone and Susan hoped she hadn't woken him, especially as she was about to make his day a whole lot worse.

"Carter, hey." 

"Susan. What's up?"

"What makes you think anything's up?" She made her best attempt at trying to sound cheerful, but failed miserably. "Ok, but this is gonna come as a bit of a shock. Abby's getting married."

There was a brief silence and Susan just waited for the news to sink in. 

"I think you might need to repeat that. I could've sworn you said Abby was getting married."

Susan moved over to her couch and sat down, guessing that this could take a while. "I told you it would be a shock."

"You did. Though you could have at least paused before making a statement like that."

He fell silent again. 

"I take it Abby didn't tell you then."

"No. No letter this time."

She shifted the phone to her other ear. "She's marrying Malucci."

"Well, that's not a surprise." She heard him sigh. "Now, if you'd said she was marrying Romano, that would be a shock."

"If Abby was marrying Romano, I'd have had her committed."

He laughed slightly. "That's good to know."

Another silence descended on the line. Susan hesitated, then told him "Come back."

"Why?"

"Abby's marrying him for the wrong reasons. She's not in love with him." She shifted position on the couch, trying to get comfortable.

"Susan, I'm not a part of Abby's life anymore. As much as I hate to admit it, she's moved on. If Malucci makes her happy, then I'm not gonna stand in the way of that."

Susan stood up and began to pace the room. "Carter, listen to me. Abby's only marrying Dave so Ryan will have a dad. She's doing it for him, not herself. You should at least talk to her; give her the chance to choose you over Dave."

He took a deep breath. "When's the wedding?"

"In a week."

"You're so against this yet you wait til now to tell me?" 

Susan shrugged, then realised that didn't really work over the phone. "I'm trying my best to play cupid here. It's not my fault if I'm not a very good strategist. I did have a great plan, but Chen wouldn't take part. So this is plan B."

"Which is, I come to Chicago, profess my undying love for Abby and we ride off into the sunset with Ryan. Why do I not see that working? Can we not go back to plan A with me in Chen's role?"

Susan smiled. "If you fancy having sex with Malucci."

"Right, plan B then." Carter laughed. "I hope you have a back up though."

"Not yet." Susan sat back down. "I'm not very good at stuff like this. I feel like Julia Roberts in 'My Best Friend's Wedding'."

"Except you're not in love with the groom." He paused. "Right?"

"Right!" Susan insisted. "Let's just hope things work out differently than they did in the film."

"So the only thing you get out of this, is to see me and Abby back together? I'm getting worried about this obsession of yours. I think if this fails you're gonna have to accept the fact that me and Abby are just not meant to be and get a life of your own." he teased.

"Ok, deal." Susan shook her head.  "Though, that's not gonna happen because Abby is still in love with you. I'm sure of it."

"I hope so. Otherwise, you'll be paying for the plane ticket back to L.A."

Susan grinned. "Shut up, Carter and get over here. You've only got a week."

"I've only got a week? It's you who…"

She didn't give him chance to finish, hanging up on him. She lay down on the sofa and suddenly couldn't help wondering if she had just made a huge mistake.


	19. Chapter 19

"So, how's the wedding plans going?" Gallant handed Abby a cup of coffee before pouring one for him.

Abby sat down at the lounge table. "Chaotic. But I think everything's mostly sorted." Gallant sat beside her. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but don't you feel bad bout not inviting your mom?"

"No. We want to keep the service quiet, and trust me, that wouldn't happen with Maggie here." 

Hearing the lounge door open, Abby looked up to see Susan enter. She rolled her eyes as Susan walked straight over to her locker, avoiding eye contact.

"This is getting ridiculous." Abby sighed. Susan did not reply, not even bothering to turn around. "Susan, I don't want to fall out with you." Susan still remained silent. "Are you so immature you're gonna ignore me now?" 

Susan slammed her locker shut and turned around. "Aren't you the one who's not been talking to me?"

 Gallant stood up awkwardly. "I should be getting back." Hoping that this argument wasn't about to end with one or both of them being admitted to the ER, he hurriedly made himself scarce. 

Susan smiled at the med student's hasty retreat. "Seems Gallant thinks this is about to turn into a chick fight."

Abby laughed. "Does either of us have a reputation for using violence?"

"No…" Susan paused to consider the question a moment. "You're known for your attitude problems and tendency to skive off for a cigarette, but no violent tendencies. Maybe being the cause of violence…"

"When did I cause any fights or anything?" Abby scowled.

"Erm, how bout between Carter and a certain Croatian?" Susan teased, joining Abby at the table.

"There was never any violence over me." Abby denied, shaking her head.

Susan grinned mischievously. "Really? Cause I seem to remember a certain sword fight."

"That wasn't about me. That was down to testosterone." Abby paused. "Or maybe it was just cause Carter was in a bad mood." 

Susan thought she saw a hint of sadness cross Abby's face, but it was quickly gone. 

"Look, Abby, I'm sorry about not being more supportive about you and Dave." 

Abby pretended to be interested in the contents of her cup, avoiding looking at Susan.

Susan wavered for a moment, then continued "I've missed hanging out with you lately and yes, I know that proves Dave right; I have no life of my own."

Abby looked up and smiled. "You admitting Dave was right about something?"

Susan glared at her, but slowly nodded.

"Just don't tell him that cause he'll be hell to live with." Abby laughed. 

"So am I forgiven?"

Abby stood up and walked over to her locker. 

"Is that a yes?" Susan followed her.

"Yeah. As long as you're gonna be at the wedding." 

Susan took a deep breath. "Only if that doesn't mean I'm expected to approve." When Abby started to glare at her, she added "but I'll keep my opinion to myself, be glad you're happy and let you make your own mistakes."

"That doesn't sound much like you're that sorry." Abby frowned, then shook her head, smiling slightly.

Susan grinned. "Nope."

"Well, you're forgiven anyway. But only because I need someone to organise my hen night and Chen has to work. Dave's having his Bachelor party tomorrow night, so he'll have Ryan on Friday. So you just need to organise things for us."

"Oh great. This leaves me with what? Two days! Is that the only reason you decided to speak to me today?"

"Yeah." Abby grinned. "But seriously, I'd prefer you to sort something out, cause I get the feeling Chen's idea would involve crowd surfing."

"Speak of the devil." Susan whispered as Jing-Mei walked in the room. "Hey."

Chen stopped dead and gave them a confused look. "Hey."

"Hey. And bye." Abby said, walking towards the door. "I have to get back before Weaver comes looking for me. I'll see you both later."

After she had left, Chen turned to Susan. "I take it you two are talking again?"

Susan headed over to her locker and softly banged her head against it.

 Chen stared at her as if she had gone completely mad. "You know before when you were talking to yourself? And we had that chat about you being insane?"

Susan nodded.

"Well, I think it's time to call psych."

Susan sighed and collapsed on the couch. "I think I agree."

"Why? What's wrong?" Chen began to pour herself a cup of coffee and waited for Susan to explain.

"I've done something stupid." She hesitated. "I phoned Carter and happened to mention Abby getting married."

Chen shook her head in disbelief. "Was this another of your plans to stop the wedding?"

"No." Susan lied. "Well, ok, yeah. But now I think it was a really dumb idea."

"It's a shame you didn't think that before you called him." Chen took a sip of her coffee. "But he's not gonna do anything about it, is he?"

"Well, he might be sort of coming back. He can only get off work today though, should be here tomorrow."

Chen sat down at the table. "That only gives him two days. What can happen in that amount of time? You want my advice? Just don't tell Abby it was your idea."


	20. Chapter 20

Saturday's supposed to be the happiest day of my life. So why do I get the feeling it's gonna be the worst? Course, I've been here before, with Richard. And for some reason, I can't help feeling that this time it's gonna end just as badly. 

The apartment seems quiet with Dave out on his bachelor party and Ryan fast asleep. Normally I would be glad of the peace but not lately. Not tonight. It leaves too much time to think. And that's always been a bad thing. In the past, I've always avoided thinking about stuff too much, usually by getting pissed. I can't do that anymore. Not because of me. No, my health or happiness has never stopped me before. But now I've got Ryan to think about. And after last time, I won't do that to him again. So, here I am, just me and my thoughts. 

I stare at my reflection in the mirror that's hung above the dresser. I don't recognise myself anymore. So much has happened in the past two years. Things I never expected. Being with Carter; having a child, something I'd given up on after the abortion. Then ending up with Dave. And now getting married again. If someone had said four years ago that this is where I'd be, I'd have accused them of being on drugs. 

All the decisions I've made have brought me here, but were they the right ones? I'm not sure anymore. No, that's not true. I was never sure. It was just easier to let things happen. To not fight it. Not have to think for myself. But this is what's best for Ryan. Isn't he more important than me? Yeah, course he is. And Dave's a good man. He loves me. He won't let me down. Hardly reasons for marrying someone though, are they? Or they shouldn't be. It's killing me to keep telling people I love him, that he makes me happy. Maybe in time it'll be true. I hope so cause I don't think I could cope with being forced to admit the truth. And that's what always ends up happening. It happened with Richard, with Luka; and a part of me knows the same will eventually happen with Dave. The other part though, the part I always listen to, tells me to ignore the truth; that it's easier that way. As usual this side will win out. Even so, I can't help feeling that this is gonna be the biggest mistake of my life, and I've made some large ones before. I keep thinking about running away; that's always been my usual strategy for coping. It's either that or ignore the problem and I know how that turned out with my drinking.  I've thought about just taking off a lot lately. If I'm honest, the only reason I'm still here is because of Ryan. Though, maybe a part of me doesn't want to let Dave down. Not after everything he's done for me since Ryan was born.

            And then there's Carter. The doomed relationship with the man I love. More wreckage from the life of Abby. I can't help laughing at myself. How did I end up in this situation again? After Luka, I should know that going for the 'safe' option is not the best idea. But I just can't handle being hurt again. And at least this way, no one else will.

            A knock on the door startles me. At first I think I'm hearing things, it's so quiet. I hope I did imagine it. Despite the fact that I hate having time to myself right now, I think it would be worse to have Susan or Chen turn up and have to discuss wedding plans. I'm about to go check on Ryan, when there's a second knock, louder this time. Sighing, I go to answer it. 

*******************************************************

Why am I doing this? That thought won't leave me alone. An entire plane journey later and I still don't know the answer. Yet even after a quick phone call to Susan and a taxi ride here, I've still not turned around and headed back to LA. I've walked up to her apartment so many times before, but I don't think I've ever been this nervous; not even when having to face her after she found out about the drugs.  That seems like a lifetime ago, yet if I'm honest I still haven't left my life in Chicago behind. I guess a part of me always thought I'd be back; that things would work out for me and Abby. That part's still hoping they will. I'm not so sure though. The sensible side of me, the logical part is telling me the opposite; to turn around and leave, before anyone else gets hurt. 

I'm not gonna listen to that voice though; not this time. It's that that said to leave Chicago in the first place; the same part that said stay in LA when I found out about Ryan. And look how that turned out. This time I'm not gonna take the easy way out. The only problem is I don't think Abby will agree with me. I know this won't be easy for her; for either of us. But I just can't sit at the other side of the country and do nothing. I'm angry at myself for leaving her not once but twice. I foolishly thought that she'd just wait til we could be together. I realise now though that there never will be a right time. Love's not like that. When things start to go wrong in a relationship, if you love that person enough, you should be able to take strength from each other and make it through together right? Which brings me back to the fact I shouldn't be here. Maybe I gave up that right when I first walked away. On the other hand, I don't care about that. I just want to see her, talk to her. 

The other thing I'm not sure about is if I have the strength to walk away again if she really is happy with Dave. I don't know if I can handle hearing her say she doesn't love me. If that's true though, I guess at least I'll know for sure where we stand. That there isn't an 'us' anymore; that there won't be ever again.

 I know that I'm gonna hurt her by just being here. I don't know if she'll even talk to me. I can see her just slamming the door in my face. I have to try though. I can't spend my life regretting not trying to win her back. 

            I knock gently on the door before I can change my mind. I have a fleeting urge to run down the corridor and to not stop until I'm on a plane back to LA. I manage to stay where I am. Just about. I take a couple of steps back, but a quick thought about Abby, about Ryan and I move back to her door. 

            I get a feeling of relief when no one answers. It's short-lived though, turning to concern that she's had an accident; or wishful thinking, but maybe she's not that sure about marrying Dave after all and has made a run for it. I laugh as I picture her grabbing Ryan and catching a plane to Mexico; maybe phoning Susan from the airport and telling her to come out and join them for a holiday sometime, and by the way could she tell Dave his bride wouldn't be at the church on Saturday. Or maybe she wouldn't go so far, just flee to Boston, hoping Dave wouldn't even try and find her. Or then again, she could just of not heard me knock. That would actually make sense. Sighing, I bang on the door, louder this time.


	21. Chapter 21

"Hey." When Abby opened the door, all Carter could do was utter the first thing that came into his head despite knowing how stupid it would sound. "I was just in the area. Thought I'd stop by and say hi." 

Abby's response was to simply stare at him; part of her incredulous at how he could just turn up on her doorstep and be so casual about it, the other half not quite willing to believe he was here at all. She was convinced she'd fallen asleep and was dreaming; either that or she'd downed a bottle of vodka without even knowing it and was now hallucinating. Not something she usually associated with being drunk; normally everything would just go all blurry. Seeing things would be a new experience. 

Carter pushed his hands deeper into his pockets, waiting for her to react. He expected that in about ten seconds she would close the door in his face, ignore him like she did all the other problems in her life. He was surprised when she started laughing. "What's so funny?" He asked indignantly.

His question ended her amusement. "Oh god, you're really here, aren't you?" His confused expression told her she was right. She shook her head. "Course you're really here. A figment of my imagination wouldn't bother with a lame excuse for showing up. Only the real John Carter would do that."

"I'm not sure whether to be offended or flattered by that remark." Carter smiled.

"It was intended as an insult if that helps you out." Abby signalled for him to enter the apartment, closing the door behind him.

He hovered inside for a moment, taking time to study the place. Abby guessed he was making note of what had changed since the last time he was here; what of his had gone, or maybe what of Dave's had appeared. They were both silent for a moment, neither sure of what to say. Abby was desperate to just come out and ask him why he was here; though part of her thought she knew the answer. She decided to stay quiet for now, to wait for him to start the conversation. Eventually he turned to face her.

"Ryan asleep?"

She nodded, still not trusting herself to say anything other than to enquire what the hell he wanted. 

"Any chance I could see him?" When she only shrugged in response, Carter sighed. He knew they could play this game all night, him making small talk, her choosing not to answer him properly. He sat down on the sofa, hoping she would take the hint and join him; instead she stayed stood near the door. She didn't trust herself with him here, frightened she might end up telling him how she was really feeling as she always had done in the past. She decided that as long as she made no attempt to make him feel welcome, this would be brief and he would be gone in a matter of minutes. She had a feeling that Carter would not let that happen though.

When he saw she had no intention of making this easy for him, he continued anyway. "I heard you were marrying Dave." he stated simply. 

"Susan tell you?" Abby took a step towards him, but then stopped. Telling herself to go back to her original plan, she cursed herself for asking him such a pointless question. Making a quick plan of how to kill Susan for putting her in this situation, she walked away from him into the kitchen. 

"Look, I'm not here to cause trouble for you and Dave, I just had to…I…" As he followed her, she sighed at how she had forgotten how persistent he could be. His sentence trailed off and he leant against the worktop, seeming to try and put his thoughts into words. Abby turned and watched him expectantly. Seeing he had her attention, he started again. "To be honest, I don't know why I'm here."

She smiled slightly. "Makes a change you being the one who doesn't know what they're doing."

"No, I think that's a problem we both have." Carter was glad to find the tension slowly starting to drop away. "Susan however, seems to have a very strong idea of what we should be doing."

Realising that acting coldly towards Carter would not achieve anything and that if she was nice, maybe he would be her accomplice in her plot to kill Susan, she decided to be hospitable.  "Do you want a cup of coffee?"

"Has your coffee making ability improved recently?" he teased, removing his jacket and placing it on the back of a chair. 

Indicating his coat, she told him "I take it you're not planning on being thrown out, so you'd better watch what you say, Carter."

Sitting down, he held his hands up in defeat. "Ok, I'd love a cup of your fabulous coffee."

Abby laughed. "Don't over do it though." She began to make the drink but could not help keeping an eye on Carter. Silence filled the room again, and Abby regretted the fact they had not stayed in contact with each other after the break up. Part of her even wished they had never become a couple as at least then she would never have lost his friendship. Carter was staring at the tabletop, and as she watched he traced circles across the surface with his fingers.  Rolling her eyes, Abby gave in to the urge to keep the conversation going. "So, what exactly did Susan want you to do tonight? Kidnap me and drag me back to LA with you?"

Carter looked up sharply, startled by her voice, but glad she had decided to make an effort. "No, nothing so…" He paused, considering the probability that that would actually work. "That's better than anything Susan came up with. I'll have to suggest that idea to her when this plan fails." He grinned mischievously. "You think Luka might help carry it out?"

Abby attempted to glare at him, but was sure it probably did not come across as very threatening. "Well, it's good to know you don't think you could manage it on your own."

Carter laughed. "Definitely not. I'd be dead before I got you out of this building."

"Glad you admit that." Abby smiled smugly and started to pour the coffee. 

Carter watched her for a moment, waiting for her to finish and join him at the table before he continued. He decided to follow her lead and not try and talk about anything serious. Not yet anyway. "Susan's master plan was for me to come here. Tell you that I love you and then you'd simply fall into my arms and leave town with me."

Abby clasped her mug in her hands, allowing the heat to warm her palms. "That was her great idea?"

Carter shrugged. "Well, it was plan B. and Susan's just not got your skill at planning things like this." He was already getting the feeling that this wouldn't turn out like he had hoped, but he also felt that it was not going to have been a completely bad idea. It would at least give them a sense of closure; maybe even start their friendship off again. And if he and Abby were on speaking terms, she would be more likely to let him see Ryan. 

"What was plan A then? Or should I not ask?" She noticed him glance over his shoulder towards Ryan's room but she had no intention of waking Ryan. She felt a sudden pang of guilt about Ryan not knowing his father, but quickly pushed it to the back of her mind.

Carter hesitated, worrying that Susan would seriously kill him for telling Abby everything, but getting the impression Abby would murder Susan before Susan got to him, he told her all of the details.

"Then after I'd finished with Dave, I would have hunted Chen down. I wouldn't do it at the ER though."

Listening to Abby tell him what her reaction would have been had Chen agreed to help Susan, Carter struggled to stop laughing long enough to get a sentence out. "Too many witnesses?"

Abby contemplated this for a moment. "Didn't think bout that. Good point. I was just thinking that there's a chance she could live if she's that close to a hospital."

"Not if you do it right." Carter finished the last of his coffee. He was surprised he was still in Abby's apartment, let alone the fact they were actually getting along. 

Abby nodded slowly. "See, we'd have made a great team. Bonnie and Clyde – the next generation."

"We'd be arrested within a day." Carter smiled, shaking his head.

"What makes you say that?" Abby stood up and picked up the mugs. "More coffee?" 

He nodded, turning in his seat so he could watch her. "Cause we couldn't even get away with replacing a fish tank."

Abby laughed. "Ok, fair point. Would still be worth it though. If we killed enough people before we got caught. Susan, Chen…" She refilled the mugs and passed one back to Carter. 

"Weaver. Romano." He paused, smiling as he thought who else to add to their imaginary murder spree. "Any objections to adding Luka to the list?"

Abby sat back down at the table, shrugging. "The only one of my exes I'd want on there would be Richard. But if you still feel resentment towards Luka for some reason, then fair enough."  

Before Carter could deny he was still jealous of Luka, a sharp wail from the bedroom interrupted him. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, waiting for Abby to say something. She just stood up and walked across the room. As she approached the bedroom, she paused and glanced back at Carter. She took a second to make a decision. "You coming? If he falls back asleep, I'm not waking him again."

Carter remained where he was, not sure if it was a good idea to see Ryan if he was going to be forced to leave Chicago tomorrow. Abby waited a moment, then left him sat there. Realising he should take every chance he could to see his son, he slowly got up and went after Abby. 

He paused just inside the doorway, watching Abby pick up Ryan and wished he could be with them all the time. He knew that was why he was here, but was not sure if he could have that conversation with Abby tonight. He would be being selfish if he did. Knowing she would be married in less than forty eight hours and yet still asking her to leave Dave for him. Ryan had stopped crying as soon as Abby had lifted him out of his cot.

"Has he started walking yet?"

Having heard him enter the room, Abby waited until he spoke before letting him know she was aware of his presence. "Not yet." She turned around and closed the distance between them. "Here you take him."

Carter smiled eagerly. He half expected Ryan to start crying again, but the infant just stared at him, and then closed his eyes. "Poor kids exhausted." 

Abby smiled as she watched them; two of the most important men in her life. Possibly the two most important if she was honest. She felt she could hardly admit that though; if she did then Carter would never leave her to marry Dave, and she still believed that was the right thing to do. Not being able to stand there though and see what she was denying both Carter and Ryan, Abby left the room. She sat down on the sofa and tried to convince herself that she knew what she was doing. 

Once he was sure Ryan had fallen back asleep, Carter placed him gently back in his crib. He watched him sleep for a few minutes, thinking about how things could have been different if he had fought harder to keep Abby, to be a part of Ryan's life. Deciding he needed to tell her how he felt, he went back and joined Abby. She had her back to him, and he paused, deliberating over how to begin. "Abby…" When she did not turn to look at him, he moved and sat beside her. She turned her head away quickly, rubbing her eyes. He could tell she was crying but was also sure that letting on he knew would make Abby even more defensive. The thing he most wanted to do was just to hold her; not a good idea considering the current circumstances. He decided to play it safe and pretend to be oblivious. 

"I can't believe how big he's gotten over the past six months."

"I never wanted to keep you from Ryan." Abby looked down at the floor, not being able to cope with him seeing her break down. There were things she wanted to tell him all of a sudden and she knew he had a right to hear them. There were also other things that she couldn't tell him; not then; maybe not ever.

Not knowing how to reply or whether he was even expected to, Carter chose to remain silent, hoping she would open up to him. 

"I don't know what to do. I just…" She took a deep breath, desperately wiping the tears away despite knowing it was a futile effort; Carter would have to have been blind not to notice, and unfortunately for her, he wasn't.  "I can't handle this…I…"

Not being able to just sit there and let her fall apart like this, Carter reached out and pulled her to him. Abby fought him at first, but then gave in and curled up against his chest. Carter held her tightly, not saying anything, instead just letting her cry. When she finally stopped, she pulled away, sitting up on the couch, her knees tucked up to her chest. Embarrassed, she went back to avoiding eye contact with him. Ever since she had answered the door to him, she had been hoping this would not happen. Now it had, she had no idea what to say to him. She felt the strong urge to apologise and then hopefully if she did not say anything else, he would leave. Part of her still wanted to talk to him though, wanted him to hold her again, wanted him to stay with her. Then she thought of Dave and it was back to getting rid of him as quickly as possible. 

"I'll make some more coffee." Carter stood up, wanting to give her some space but also needing some himself. 

Abby just nodded, realising that crying in his arms like that was not the best way to get him to leave.

They drank the coffee in silence, Carter waiting until Abby was ready to talk again. When he had emptied the cup, he was beginning to give up hope and had decided it might be best if he just left. He stood up and walked back over to the kitchen, dumping his mug in the sink. When he turned around he noticed Abby was watching him. 

"I'm sorry. I bet you never expected that to happen when you came here tonight." She pushed a stray strand of hair out of her face. She considered stopping there, let him leave but watching his expression knew she owed him more than that. 

He remained in the kitchen, unsure of how to proceed. "Sometimes everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. Just it's not expected of someone who's getting married in a day or so." 

Abby quickly looked away again, dreading this conversation, knowing it would be easier to have if she was sure about what she wanted. "It's late. Won't your grandmother be worried about where you are?"

He was content to allow her avoid the situation for a little while longer. "No, I'm staying at a hotel. I didn't tell Gamma I would be in town, thought it best, especially as I don't know how long I'll be here for."  He moved back and sat beside her. "You expecting Dave home?"

Abby shook her head. "No. He's gonna stay at his place. He's getting rid of it after the wedding, gonna move in here til we find a new place together."

"I had a strange idea that you'd be planning on moving to Boston."

Abby smiled slightly. "It's just like you to remember something like that and then take the piss out of me any chance you get."

"I'm not taking the piss. I've been a couple of times myself; wouldn't be my choice of a dream destination. Guess it is kinda nice though. You should go on your honeymoon with Dave, take Ryan." Carter was not sure when exactly he decided to fake being supportive, but hoped he was convincing enough. "If you do go, there's a great coffee house there called 'Where Fishes Go'. It's near the harbour." 

"I'll have to remember that."

"So no plans to go there yet?"

Abby shook her head. She couldn't help thinking that something as stupid as this and Carter knew about it and still remembered months later, and yet she had never felt the need to mention it to Dave.

Carter continued, beginning to babble. "You should go. And soon. I know I laughed before, but if it's somewhere you wanna go, then go. What's stopping you?" He paused. "Are you happy with Dave?" He regretted asking it, dreading her saying yes.

"What do you want me to say, Carter?" She was getting angry now. Even though she knew he didn't deserve it, she had decided it was easier than crying again. She stood up and began to pace the room.  "That I don't give a damn about Dave? That I don't love him? That I'm still in love with you? What do you want me to say?" She had convinced herself that if she could make herself hate him in the time it took him to leave then everything would be a lot simpler and she could marry Dave as planned.

Carter allowed her to finish her outburst, before simply replying "Just tell me the truth. And then do whatever makes you happy."

She sat back down, hating him for being so passive. It would be easier to hate him if he yelled at her. She sighed. "And if happy means being here with Dave and Ryan, what then?" 

"Then I'll walk away. It'll kill me to leave you again, but if that's what you want then I'll do it. I meant it when I said I didn't want to cause trouble for you two."

She could not bear to see the hurt on his face, but she had decided he would only be hurt more if they decided to try again. And they would destroy Dave's life in the process. She remembered her original reasons for agreeing to marry Dave. To not hurt him, so Ryan did not grow up without a dad, because it was easier for everyone. She wished Carter had stayed in LA and then neither of them would be in this situation right now. "I _am happy with Dave. I can't just walk out on him. He loves me and Ryan. He'll look after us, won't let us down." She knew her words would sting him; part of her knowing that was what it would take for him to leave. _

H stood up and crossed over into the kitchen for his jacket. "You know I still love you. I don't need to tell you that, but I will anyway. I think I'll always love you. And that's why I want you to be happy. Just make sure this is the right decision for you. Not for Malucci." He tried to judge her reaction but for once found he was unable to read her. 

She stared at him for a moment. "It feels like the right thing to do."

He put on his jacket and headed for the door. "I'm gonna stay in town until Saturday. I'm staying at The Plaza."

"I'm not making a mistake. I won't change my mind about this." She folded her arms, hoping to show him how resolved and certain she was.

He simply nodded. "I know. I hope you're happy with him. I really do. Just in case though." He opened the door and slipped out. 

Abby struggled not to run after him, instead lying down on the sofa. As if she was not confused enough before this. She loved Carter, but cared a lot about Dave. Things with Carter could end again after another six months, the last time was a complete disaster. Ryan needed stability. And of all people, Dave had been the one to give them that. The one least likely, Dave Malucci. She had already just broke Carter's heart again, and now could not do the same to Dave. She walked into Ryan's room. "You think this a good idea don't you?" she whispered. "Yeah. This is the best thing to do. The right thing to do." 


	22. Chapter 22

Susan raised a fist to knock on Abby's door, then let it drop back down to her side and paced the length of the hallway. Carter had called her early that morning, informed her he'd seen Abby, it hadn't gone well and warned her that he might have accidentally let slip about Susan's plans to wreck the wedding. It was that phone call that had made Susan leave the comfort and safety of her own apartment and hop an El Train over to Abby's. She had considered spending the day in hiding but the thought of the scene tomorrow, Abby stabbing her to death in front of all those guests had convinced her otherwise. She made it back to the door and this time went through with knocking.

Abby opened the door and Susan was glad it wasn't Dave who answered. She started to speak but didn't even have time to say hello before the door was slammed in her face. It wasn't unexpected.

She waited a moment, then steeling herself, knocked again. She wasn't sure she'd get an answer this time but the door opened again, though Abby still didn't say anything, just fixed her with a cold stare.

Susan sighed and decided to start with an apology. "So you're mad at me. I can't blame you and I'm sorry for telling Carter about the wedding, okay?"

"Is that it? That's all I get after what I was subjected to last night?"

"What else can I do?"

"Watch Ryan for a couple of hours. I need to get out of here for a while."

"I'm gonna regret this, aren't I?" Susan asked, then walked inside, heading straight for the kitchen. "If you don't have a ready supply of ice cream or cheese cake then the deal's off."

"Top shelf, help yourself," Abby shouted as she disappeared into Ryan's room.

Susan was pleased to find several tubs to chose from, grabbed the first Ben and Jerry's she came too, raided the cutlery drawer for a spoon and then settled down on the sofa without even bothering to remove her coat. "Ryan asleep already?" she asked when Abby returned.

"Yeah. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Don't suppose you're gonna tell me where you're going?"

"I'll let you know soon as I do."

Susan watched her leave, sighed then returned to eating.

* * *

She shouldn't have been here, shouldn't have been doing this. Abby knew that, she just wasn't sure she cared anymore. She hadn't intended to end up here at the Plaza, but she was here all the same. She had spent the past twenty minutes pacing the lobby and was starting to get suspicious glances from the desk clerk who was probably close to calling security on her. She made a decision and headed for the staircase. The elevator would have been quicker but she found herself wanting to delay the inevitable for as long as she could. However it didn't take her anywhere near as long as she'd have liked to make it up to his floor and she wondered why he couldn't have rented the penthouse suite. Taking a deep breath, she walked the remaining distance to his door and knocked before she had time to change her mind again.

She waited a minute and wondered if she should run while she still could, but before she could decide she heard movement inside the room. The door opened and he stared at her blankly, the same way she had done upon finding him on her doorstep the previous night. He was wearing a T-shirt and boxers, had that bed-hair she remembered oh too well, and she knew she wouldn't be able to resist him tonight. "Abby." He rubbed at his eyes and moved aside to let her in. She stalked past him, giving her speech one last rehearsal but he spoke before she could deliver it. "What are you doing here?"

That threw her off balance and she was forced to disregard her script. "I don't know."

"Okay." He was looking at her like he was trying to decide whether she was drunk or had just gone completely mad so she decided to help him out. "Before you ask, I haven't been drinking."

"Okay." He pushed the door closed and crossed over to the sofa, sinking down onto it.

She stayed standing, pacing circles around the room. "I did have a speech but it doesn't sound right anymore. I'm actually not even sure it made any sense." Though it might still have been an improvement on the rambling she was currently inflicting on him.

He was watching her as she moved and the frown on his face told her he was struggling to follow what she was talking about. "Will you sit down, or at least stand still, you're starting to make me dizzy."

She stopped, deliberately completed her circle and then perched on the opposite end of the sofa. They sat staring at the wall, neither of them looking at the other. She had lost her train of thought completely now and no longer knew why she was even here. Unfortunately, Carter seemed determined to have an answer to that very question. "What's showing up here all about, Abby?"

"Wish I knew."

"So do I." He ran a hand through his hair, trying to flatten down a few stray tufts.

She turned her head to look at him. "You look cute when you've just woke up."

"Don't. Don't do this." It was a warning and he stood up, moving through into the bathroom.

She went after him, stopping in the doorway. "Don't do what?"

He ran some water and splashed it on his face, rubbing at his eyes again. He was watching her reflection in the mirror above the sink. "We've been here once already. You made your choice."

"You're the one made sure I knew where you were staying, made a point of telling me your room number. What did you want me to do if not show up here?" She folded her arms and scowled at him. This was all going about as well as she had expected.

He turned to face her, glaring back. "I wanted you to make a decision. Guess I forgot Abby Lockhart isn't capable of that."

"I made a decision."

"Yeah, to marry Dave. So why are you in my hotel room exactly?" He grabbed a towel and dried his hands. "Right, you don't know."

She turned and made to leave, heading straight for the door. She'd tried and at least she now knew for sure it had been a mistake to come here. She was pulling the door open when he was behind her, slamming it closed again.

"God, Carter. You don't want me here, now you don't want me to leave. And I'm the one who's indecisive?" She moved back to the sofa, throwing herself down on it.

It was his turn to stay standing. "I didn't say I don't want you here. I just need to know that _you_ want to be here."

"Would I be here if I didn't?"

"You tell me." He joined her on the sofa and sighed. "Abby, do you even know what you do want?"

Seeing as things had gone exactly as she had predicted, she changed tactics and tried some honesty. "No, Carter, I don't know what I want. I can't even remember the last time I did know." She was trying to avoid having to look at him but unfortunately that meant her eyes found the mini-bar instead. "I do know I'd kill for a drink right now. Does that count for anything?"

"Seeing as that's probably the cause of half your problems, no, not really."

"Only half?"

"Yeah, I want my credit for the rest."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure Susan's somehow to blame for at least ten percent."

"I think you could find a way to blame her for everything if you tried."

"Well, this whole screwed up situation right here, that's all her fault, you know?"

He nodded a couple of times, then frowned. "How exactly?"

"Well, if she hadn't dumped you, we'd have never gone out, so we wouldn't be here now."

"You don't think it would have happened anyway? That we were kinda inevitable?"

"If the next word out of your mouth is soul-mates then I really will need a drink."

"You know I'm not sure you should be joking about drinking." She prepared herself for a lecture but he suddenly changed the subject. "Susan did not dump me."

"Not how she tells it."

"She _should_ have dumped me, seeing as I was in love with you."

"Isn't that exactly what did happened?"

"In the world according to Susan maybe. I, however, am sticking to my story. I broke up with her, left her devastated and she's never really gotten over it."

"I like her version better."

"You would and we seem to have gotten a little off track here."

"That would be your fault."

"Technically that's Susan's fault too."

"Are we not finished blaming Susan for everything yet?"

"You started it."

"What's your point?"

"I...," he started then trailed off. "I have no idea if I even had one."

"I think it was either that I shouldn't drink or that I shouldn't be here. Maybe both."

"I don't think it matters anymore, does it?"

"No, guess not." She sighed and as he seemed to have nothing else to say, she stood up. "I should go." She hovered where she was, giving him the opportunity to stop her but she got no response.

After a few seconds, she started towards the door. She had stepped out into the hallway before he shouted her back. "Abby?"

She caught the door, holding it open. "Yeah?"

He stayed sitting down but was at least making eye contact with her now. "If I asked you to stay, would you?"

Part of her would, the same part that had told her to come here tonight. However the rest just wanted to run, not just from Carter but from Dave, make a break for Mexico and never look back. As she wasn't sure which part would win that fight, she gave him an honest answer. "I don't know."

When he went back to studying the floor, she turned to leave again but she didn't even make it out of the room before he spoke again. "Abby, don't go."

She allowed the two sides to battle it out and once it was over, she closed the door and returned to join him on the sofa.

* * *

"Do you think I should worry that I'm spending the night before my wedding in my ex-boyfriend's hotel room eating room service and watching some cheesy TV movie starring David Caruso?"

It was the first time she had spoken since the movie began forty minutes ago. "Could be worse. You could have succeeded in your plan to come over here and seduce me."

"Nice to know LA has managed to keep that ego of yours in check."

"What? Like that wasn't your plan." He offered a grin then turned back to the TV screen. "I'm just saying, there are worse ways to spend your wedding night."

"Yeah, I could have jumped on that bus to Mexico."

He nodded. "Yeah, that would have been worse."

There was silence, then she said, "I should get back. I wouldn't be surprised if Susan's sent out a search party by now."

He was about to agree with her, say maybe she should be going, but he's tired of being the good guy and quickly changed his mind. "Or you know, you could always just stay the night, worry about Susan tomorrow."

She stared at him, then leant towards him. "Are _you_ trying to seduce _me _now?"

"Well, my plan didn't work, so I figured I might as well give Susan's plan B a try. At least this way, I get to have sex."

She smiled, an actual bona fide grin and in some strange way it was almost enough to make tonight worth it. "Nice to know that's all I am to you."

He shrugged. "I kinda wish you were." He cursed himself when he noticed her face fall. "I'm not going to jump you or anything, I just don't want you to go." He hoped that if he was honest, she might follow suit, though he didn't hold out much hope.

"I'll stay, as long as you promise to keep your hands to yourself."

He smiled and nodded. "Scout's honour."

She turned back to the TV screen and he heard her mutter, "Like you were ever a Boy Scout, Carter."

* * *

He kept his eyes closed, waiting for his brain to kick into gear. He was currently trying to work out what the scurrying sound accompanied by bouts of swearing was, then he'd start on why he appeared to have slept on the sofa, no doubt the cause of his neck being locked into one position. The return of his memory of last night provided answers to both those queries. He opened his eyes, lifted his head up and found himself watching Abby frantically tearing his room apart. "Good morning."

She stopped, scowled at him, then asked, "Have you seen my keys?"

"Not running out on me, are you?" He pulled himself into a sitting position, cursing himself for being a gentleman last night and insisting he took the sofa.

"Yeah, I am. I have eight messages from Susan on my cell and she doesn't seem all that happy in any of them."

He joined in her search, digging under the cushions and was successful. "Got them." She stopped throwing around the bedcovers and joined him on the sofa, taking the keys from him. "Just tell her you lost your phone," he suggested.

"Still have to explain where I was all night."

"Tell her the truth. I don't think she'd be mad."

"No, she'd probably rush to tell Dave, hoping he'd cancel the wedding."

He was quiet for a moment. "So you're still gonna marry him?"

"What do you want me to do, Carter? Leave him stood at the altar?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do actually."

She stood up, shaking her head. "I can't do that to him." She walked towards the door, him following her.

"Is this how we're gonna leave things then? This is our closure?"

She was silent for a moment, then told him, "No. Ryan's your son. I'm not gonna keep you two apart anymore."

He almost said thank you, but then realised she wasn't exactly doing him a favour, he had every right to see Ryan. He held back on making demands on her though, knowing this probably wasn't the best time. "I hope things work out for you and Dave, that you're making the right decision." He didn't but once again he knew better than to share those thoughts.

"I am." She didn't believe that, he just knew she didn't believe that. She opened the door and was about to leave, then she ducked back inside to kiss him on the cheek. "We'll sort something out about Ryan."

He nodded and then she was walking away from him, disappearing down the stairwell. He was hit with a sudden impulse to chase after her but ignored it and went back inside his room, slamming the door closed. He knew he was making a mistake letting her go, that she was making a mistake marrying Dave, he just wished he knew what he could do about it.


	23. Chapter 23

"Where the hell have you been?"

Abby winced, she'd only just walked into her apartment and was already being harassed by Susan. "Can I get some coffee before we do this? Or at least have time to take my coat off?" Susan folded her arms, scowled at her but didn't say anything else. She dropped her keys onto the table, threw her jacket onto the sofa and headed into the kitchen, Susan on her heels. "Ryan okay?" She was pleased to see Susan had made a pot of coffee and quickly poured herself a mug.

"Yeah, he's fine. I'm the one who's been worrying how to tell Dave you'd gone AWOL."

Abby moved through into Ryan's room, taking her drink with her, and found him in his playpen, trying to build a tower out of his blocks. She watched him as he attempted to balance a third brick on top of the others and failed, knocking the whole lot down. "Still not got the hang of that, have you?" She dropped to the floor beside him, leaned in and kissed his head.

"So are you gonna tell me where you've been all night?" Susan was leaning in the doorway, carrying her own cup and Abby guessed it probably wasn't her first cup of the day.

Abby piled up three blocks and then handed a fourth to Ryan. "I was with Carter."

"All night?"

"Yes, all night." This time Ryan skipped the building part and just went straight onto the demolition stage.

"You spent the night with Carter?" There was a trace of glee mixed in with the incredulous tone.

"Not spent the night spent the night. We were just talking."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What happens now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? You spent the night together and what, nothing's changed? You're still gonna marry Dave?"

"Yeah, that's the plan." Abby frowned as Ryan attempted to eat one of the blocks and took it off him, though he didn't give in easily, gripping it tighter, trying to keep hold of it. When she had wrestled it from him, he stared at her for a few seconds then simply picked up another brick and shoved that into his mouth instead. Abby gave up and turned back to Susan, muttering, "I swear this child's not normal."

"A personality trait he's probably inherited from you."

"Hey, you're not supposed to agree with me. Only I'm allowed to insult him." Abby climbed to her feet and headed towards the kitchen, searching in the cupboard for a box of cookies.

Susan followed her and refilled her coffee mug. "I just don't see why you went to see Carter if it wasn't gonna achieve anything."

"Yeah, I'm not really sure why I went there either but it done's now." Abby moved back into the bedroom, and offered Ryan a cookie, glad when he readily accepted it and dropped the block. She looked back to find Susan had re-taken her position in the doorway.

"It would've been nice if you'd have let me know you weren't coming back, instead of leaving me wondering if you'd been hit by a car again, or if you'd skipped town." Susan paused to take a drink. "Surprisingly, I wasn't looking forward to telling Dave you'd run out on him."

Abby was silent for a moment, then asked, "You think I'm doing the wrong thing, marrying Dave, don't you?"

"Now I never said that." Susan sat down on the floor, her back against the wall "Alright, I might have said that once or twice. Or a couple of dozen times."

"And you really believe it?"

"I thought I did, thought you were making this huge mistake and that it was my job to stop you. Now, I'm not sure anymore. I just wish I'd been a bit more supportive and I'm really really sorry I thought getting Carter to come back was a good idea. I told you that, right?"

"Yeah, you told me." Abby offered her a halfhearted smile. "But you couldn't have realised that sooner, maybe before you got Carter back here?"

"Apparently not." Susan sighed and then glanced at her watch. "Well, if we're going through with this, we might wanna start getting you ready or you're gonna be more than fashionably late."

"I can't do it."

"Get ready on time? Sure you can, we're not that far behind schedule."

"You made a schedule? Never mind. I meant I can't marry him. Not like this."

"Okay, are you testing me? Because I promise, I've no more plans to ruin today."

"It's just, I've been thinking about this lately. I know what Dave wants, know what Carter wants, and I know what's best for Ryan, I'm just not sure what I want."

"But you know you don't want to marry Dave?"

"No, it's not even that. I'm just not sure that I do."

"So, you don't want to marry him and yet you don't want to not marry him?"

"Does that make sense?"

"No, but then Abby logic rarely does to me." Susan rubbed her forehead and sighed. "Do you want to be with Carter?"

"I..."

"Right, you don't know. Well until you do know what you want, you might want to think about cancelling this wedding, or postponing it maybe."

"Yeah." Abby echoed Susan's sigh. "Don't suppose you want to do the honours of telling Dave, do you?" When she doesn't get an answer from Susan, she supplies one for her, "Yeah, didn't think so."

* * *

Dave shifted in his seat, glancing back over his shoulder at the guests slowly filling up the rows of chairs. Not surprisingly most of the guests were here for Abby, he's just glad that they didn't split the guests into friends of the groom or bride as his side would probably be empty. He turned back to the front of the room, wondering if every husband-to-be felt this nervous. He looked behind him just in time to see Carter stroll into the room, causing him to think maybe he had good reason to be nervous. Carter was hovering at the back so Dave stood up and walked towards him, intending to intercept him before he could make a scene.

Carter noticed him approaching and headed towards him, holding out a hand. "Dave, how's it going?"

"Hey Carter." Dave, reluctantly shook his hand, then shoved his own back into his pockets. They both stood there for a moment, Dave trying his best to think of something non-aggressive to say. Eventually, he simply asked, "Whatcha doing here?"

"Abby invited me."

"She did?" That threw him. "When?"

"Last night."

Dave tried working out the likelihood that Carter could have received a phonecall from Abby last night and made it cross country to get here in time. He dismissed the possibility, even allowing for Carter chartering a private jet. "You saw Abby last night." It wasn't a question but he received a nod in reply anyway. He clenched his right hand into a fist but managed to keep it in his pocket and not let it collide with Carter's face. "Guess someone told you the good news then? You stopped by to offer your congratulations?"

"Not exactly."

He almost wished Carter would just lie to him, that way he could continue to be pleasant and avoid a scene at his wedding ceremony. "So what are you wanting to do?"

"Abby came to me last night. She doesn't want this." Carter gestured around the room. "Doesn't want to marry you."

"She told you that, did she?"

"No, she didn't need to. If she wanted this, wanted you, she wouldn't have spent the night in my hotel room."

_Spent the night, hotel room. _Five words that guaranteed he would lose the last of his urge to play nice, and Carter had just made the mistake of saying them. He tried that counting to ten thing he'd heard about but only made it to three before he threw a punch.

Carter must have expected this reaction because he managed to stay on his feet. At least he did until Dave launched himself at Carter and tackled him to the floor. He found himself pulled off Carter before he can do more than land a couple of punches to the abdomen. He glared at Malik for attempting to restrain him but he guessed he didn't come across as very threatening because the nurse made no move to let him go. So instead he took to hurling abuse in Carter's general direction. "Son of a bitch. You left her! You left Ryan!" On the bright side, no one had made any move to help Carter to his feet. "You stay the hell away from them, you hear me? You're nothing to them anymore." He was trying to ignore that voice telling him otherwise.

"You know I'm right, Dave. You just proved that."

Dave struggled to break free of Malik's grip, but had to settle for taking satisfaction from watching Carter wipe blood from his lip. "You got off easy this time. You go anywhere near her again, next time you won't have the chance to walk away." He shrugs Malik off and started to walk away but before he could get far he noticed Abby standing just inside the entrance. Not surprisingly, she didn't look happy.


	24. Chapter 24

Abby might not have been looking forward to telling Dave the wedding was off, but she didn't expect to have that chance stolen from her. So arriving at the church bearing the bad news, despite Susan's insistence that telling Dave at the actual ceremony was a little cruel, she was more than a little surprised to find her fiance making death threats against her ex. Now the Carter Dave show was over, everyone's attention had shifted to her. She looked to Susan for help but only received a bewildered look. She glanced around the room and locked eyes with Luka who was sat in the back row, looking bemused about the whole scenario. He shrugged as if to say 'whatcha gonna do' or the Croatian equivalent at least.

She should say something, anything to break the silence and to defuse the showdown the crowd seems to be waiting for, that she had no intention of taking part in. Again she turned to Susan and this time gets an actual response. "Well, looks like we missed all the excitement." She's just glad her mother's not here to add to the scene. On the other hand at least Maggie'd be a useful distraction right now.

On the plus side, Susan seemed to have taken it on herself to bring all this to some sort of end and she walked over to Carter and helped him to stand. "Hey Carter. You might wanna go for a walk, get some fresh air." Thankfully he didn't argue with her, just headed for the door. He attempted to make eye contact with Abby but she quickly glanced down at the floor instead. Once he'd gone, she asked Dave. "Can we talk?"

"In the back?"

"Yeah." She followed him down the aisle, the whispers of their guests trailing after them.

He held open a side door and she slipped past him into a waiting room. She headed for a sofa against the back wall and sank down onto it. He followed her lead and sat down, but she can't help but notice it's as far from her as he can. "You look nice."

She'd got his attention and he looked up, then down at his suit. "Yeah? Guess I scrub up well, huh?"

He took in her jeans and sweatshirt attire. "That's a unique choice of wedding dress."

"Yeah, about that..."

He cut her off, "Are you leaving with him?"

"With Carter? No."

"But you spent last with him, right?"

"What exactly did he tell you?"

"He told me what happened last night, in his hotel room, fortunately he left out the details. I kinda wish I'd heard it from you, preferably before now. Last night would've been good. I could have drowned my sorrows, woke up with a hangover and not been made a fool of in public."

"Nothing happened last night."

"Right."

He didn't believe her and she couldn't really blame him. Susan had been right, she should have not left it so late to talk to Dave, they could have avoided that little scene with Carter. In fact, she could have jumped a greyhound afterall and left Susan to pass on the news and hope Dave didn't shoot the messenger.

"If you don't believe me, then fine, but I did only go there to talk to him."

"Why would he lie?" That was something he shouldn't have needed to ask and he must have realised that as he didn't wait for an answer. "It's still all his fault. If he wasn't here, we'd still be getting married."

She considered pointing out that Susan was actually to blame, giving Dave someone else to shout at.

"I should kill the son of a bitch." He made a move to leave, but she stopped him.

"If I get to him first, you won't get the chance." She stood up and left, heading for the nearest exit. She had a sudden urge to go yell at Carter.

* * *

If this turned out to have been a bad idea, then it would just be the latest in a long line of them, and he could just put them all down to one brief period of insanity. He hadn't really thought this through as much as he should have. In fact his entire plan had consisted of 'show up at the service'. He had just been hoping Abby seeing him there would have been enough, bursting in at the pivotal moment to interrupt proceedings had been too much of a cliché for his liking. He hadn't anticipated Dave reacting quite so violently, though he should have.

He wasn't sure why he was waiting around outside. Abby didn't look particularly happy to see him and no-one else had made the effort to check he hadn't suffered any permanent damage after his fight with Dave. Well, not so much fight as ass-kicking. He paced the length of the building, watching for somebody to leave so he can interrogate them about what was happening inside. It was possible the wedding was going ahead and he was tempted to burst back inside, make a second attempt at ruining their plans. Then again a second appearance would probably be overkill. He was retracing his path when he heard the door open and he spun around to see Abby heading straight for him.

"What the hell was that, Carter?"

Apparently she wasn't going to be thanking him anytime soon and certainly won't be running back to LA with him. "You were making a mistake. I couldn't let you go through with it."

"You couldn't _let_ me? Don't you stand there and pretend that this was about me. We both know this was about you and your wounded ego that I'd moved on."

"But you hadn't moved on. You show up at my hotel room like that and then expect me to just stand by and watch you marry the guy."

"Well I didn't expect you to gatecrash the wedding. And thanks for telling Dave about last night."

"He had a right to know the truth."

"The truth? He thinks we slept together!"

"Well I didn't tell him that."

"Did you tell him we didn't?"

"Hey, it's not my fault he just assumed the worst of you."

"Yeah, he had no help from you at all, did he?"

"I take it the wedding's off then?" The look he received confirmed that he hadn't needed to ask. He could have apologised for coming here today but he'd only be lying. "I had to do something, Abby."

"You know what, Carter? You had already done something. After last night, I'd decided to not go through with this. Not to leave Dave, not to go back to you, just not to get married. It was my decision to make, Carter. Not yours, not Dave's, certainly not Susan's. It should have been my choice. For some reason, everybody seemed to forget that." She disappeared back inside and he made no attempt to stop her.

* * *

She didn't feel any better after seeing Carter and she wondered why she thought she would. She sneaked in the back way, not wanting to face anybody, especially as the current story is probably that she cheated on Dave on their wedding night. Dave hadn't moved since she'd left so she sat down beside him again. He hadn't looked up, he's just staring intently at the carpet. She followed suite, wondering if it was like one of those magic eye pictures and if you stared at it long enough some secret message would appear.

After five minutes of nothing, she gave up. "What are we doing here, Dave? Why are we even doing this?"

"I thought I knew. Now, I'm not even sure where we've ended up, never mind why we're here."

"Question is, what do we do next?"

"You're asking me?" He sighed, holding his head in his hands. "We've got a crowd of people out there waiting to see either a wedding, or some kind of major blowout."

"Didn't you already give them that by punching Carter?"

"He had it coming."

"Yeah, yeah, he probably did."

"Okay look, forget the wedding. Maybe we rushed into that without really thinking it through."

"Dave," she started, trying to interrupt him.

"Hear me out." He turned to face her. "So we don't get married, it's not a big deal, right? We'll take things slow. We can still make this work."

She might owe him that but she's had enough and wanted to be selfish. "I don't think we could."

"You said you're not getting back with Carter."

"I'm not. I need some time alone with Ryan. Ever since he was born, there's always been other people around. Susan, Chen."

"Me."

She didn't acknowledge his comment, just continued, "And I know I sound ungrateful after all the help everyone's given, but I just need..."

"And what about Ryan, what about what he needs?"

She shrugged. "He needs his mother."

"So what are you gonna do, tell everything to piss off and hope that they do?"

She can't see that working, though she wished it would be that simple. She hadn't had time to think any further ahead than how to tell Dave she no longer wanted to marry him, and Carter had managed to screw that plan up. Then from out of nowhere she was hit with a vision of the sea, a harbour and somewhere that wasn't Chicago. "Something like that."


	25. Chapter 25

"Just how did you convince me to help you move?"

"Because you're a selfless generous person who can't resist helping out a friend in need. Abby struggled to get the cardboard box up onto the table, then searched around for the whole of duct tape to seal it with.

Susan crossed over to the coffeepot and refilled her mug. "No, I don't think that's it."

Abby found the roll under a pile of ironing that was never going to get done, but quickly abandoned it again to get her own caffeine fix. "Seeing as you're not really being all that much of a help, then no, maybe not."

Susan had collapsed onto the sofa. "I've been helping all morning. You promised coffee, and men to do all the lifting. Seeing as I don't see any men, I'm gonna take twice as much coffee."

"Dave was here yesterday and he'll be back tomorrow to help get the truck loaded up." Abby joined her on the sofa. "I did try Luka but he claimed he was working."

"Maybe you should have asked Carter."

Abby laughed at the idea of how that conversation would have progressed. "Yeah, would certainly have been interesting." Susan was about to say something, but anticipating the subject about to be raised, Abby cut her off. "Yes, I know, you think I should talk to him before leaving. You don't need to tell me again."

"I didn't think a gentle reminder would hurt."

"I seem to remember you promising not to interfere again."

"Ah but see, this is still the same situation so it doesn't count, right?"

"I'm not sure that's how it works."

"Well it should be." Susan was silent for a moment, staring down at her mug. "I'm kinda gonna miss you."

"Can't say that'll be mutual. I'm not gonna miss your interfering that's for sure."

"Jeez, I can't keep apologizing for that."

"I don't see why not."

"Because you won't be in Chicago to apologize to?"

"Good point." Abby stood up, making a move towards Ryan's room to check he was still sleeping. "You know, strange as it seems, I will miss you."

"How could you not. And don't worry I'll be up there every holiday I get."

Abby ducked inside the bedroom. Ryan was still out cold so she simply pulled his blanket over him more then returned to the living room. Susan was just returning from the coffee pot with two fresh cups. She handed one to Abby then reclaimed her seat on the sofa.

They sat there in silence for a while until they were interrupted by a knock at the door. Both stared at each other, neither making a move to answer it.

Abby tilted her head to the side and tried giving Susan a pleading look.

"Hey, it's not my apartment."

"But as a guest, you could help a girl out." Abby sighed but gave in and moved to answer the door. There was a second knock before she got there. "See if you'd got up straight up right away, they wouldn't get impatient like this." She checked the peephole and saw that it was Dave in her hallway and turned back to Susan. "You'll be pleased to know the cavalry's here." She swung open the door. "Hey Dave. Come to rescue a couple of damsels in distress and take over the packing?"

"I have actually. I'm here to offer my services and help move any boxes you need moving." He stepped inside. "Susan."

"Hey Dave." She stretched. "You know, we really could have done with your help three hours ago."

"Ignore her. She might as well as not been here, the amount of help she's been."

"I was supervising."

"Well, you weren't doing a very good job of it."

"I'm doing you a favour by being here and if all you're gonna do is moan about it, then I'd rather be at work."

"I kept up my end of the bargain. You've got coffee." Abby pointed at Dave. "And men, well man. Yet I don't see you helping."

"I've done lots to help. I'm allowed a break, right?"

Dave's head swiveled between them and he made no attempt to interrupt their conversation. He did remove his jacket and dumped it over the chair arm.

Abby dropped back down onto the sofa and said to Dave, "See what I've had to put up with?"

"Oh, don't bring me into this chick fight. I'm just here as slave labour." He sat down in the armchair. He eyed up Susan's mug. "Is that fresh coffee?"

Abby stood back up and crossed into the kitchen. "A slave who's gonna sit around and drink all my caffeine?" She took a clean mug out of the cupboard and filled it up. "I've already got one of those."

Abby rejoined them in, handing Dave his drink, then sitting back down.

"Can't we call it a day?" Susan sighed.

"It's not even noon,"

Dave seemed intent on siding with Susan. "She has a point. No good rushing a job, right?" He took a swig of coffee, then slid his cup onto the table. "Take the day off."

Abby glanced from one of them to the other, pointing a finger first at Dave, then Susan. "Now you two listen to me. I need everything ready to be loaded onto that truck tomorrow, and if you two don't become more helpful, then you can just get the hell out of here."

Susan was the first to speak. "Okay, jeez. There's no need to yell."

Dave laughed but a glare from Abby quickly silenced him. "Yeah, okay, we'll help."

Satisfied, Abby smiled. "Good. Back to work."

Susan stood up. "You know what we need? Donuts. I'll go get us some." She grabbed her jacket and was pulling it on before Abby could object. "And I'll grab some decent coffee while I'm at it."

"Sounds good. Donuts and good coffee are never a bad thing."

That earned Dave another black look from Abby. "There's nothing wrong with my coffee. And I don't like you two ganging up on me. I think I preferred it when you hated each other's guts."

Dave turned to Susan. "We never hated each other, did we?"

Susan simply shrugged. "And on that note, I'll make a hasty exit." She started towards the door. "Feel free to make a start on the packing. You don't need to worry about leaving any for me to do. I won't mind." She dashed out of the door, leaving a heavy silence after her.

They sit and drink for a while but eventually Abby tires of the quiet. "So, what's your real reason for stopping by? You can't have wanted to help with more packing."

He leans forward. "Truth? I wanted a moment alone with you." That made her nervous, she'd thought he'd said all he wanted to by now. He emptied his mug, then continued, "Figured there'd be other people around tomorrow."

There will be but she doesn't bother to confirm it. "What's up?"

He reached down and picked up a shopping bag she hadn't even noticed him carry in. "I got Ryan a present." It was definitely a non-sequitur but she decided to go with it. "You didn't need to do that."

"I wanted to."

He held out the bag to her and she took it from him. Pulling out a baseball cap, she frowned. "Isn't he a little young for this?"

Dave shrugged. "I just don't want him growing up supporting any Boston teams. You gotta make sure he remembers his roots. Starting with a Bulls hat."

"But you're not even from Chicago? Hell, I'm not from Chicago."

"But he is, right?"

The way he says 'he' made her think he might not be referring to Ryan. "I'm sure he'll love it." She studied the cap for another moment, then rested it on the couch arm. "When he's old enough to understand what basketball is anyway." She finished her own drink, then stood, picked up his cup and headed for the sink. "So we gonna do any work or wait for Susan to get back?"

He followed her into the kitchen. "There's something I need to say before you leave."

She turned to face him, leaning against the counter. "Dave, is this gonna make things more..."

"Awkward?" he finished for her. "Maybe. Hope not, but maybe." He took another step towards her but when she sighed, he stopped and retreated slightly. "Do you want me to just not do this?"

She toyed with telling that was exactly what she wanted, but decided to go with a slightly more diplomatic answer. "Depends what this is, Dave."

"What if I don't know what this is?"

"If you don't know what you're doing, maybe it's not a good idea to do it."

"Maybe, but life would be pretty dull, right?"

"Might also be a lot simpler."

"Simple's overrated."

"Like your life has ever been simple."

"You got me there. But maybe you're right. Maybe this is it, some thing's just shouldn't be said, right?" He smiled and moved back towards the sofa.

He'd started her thinking and though she wished he hadn't, there was something she needed to do. "Can you watch Ryan for a few hours? For old times sake? Hopefully the last time I'll need to dump him on anyone."

"Yeah, I think I can spare a few hours for the kid."

She grabbed the phone and dialed a number she still knew off by heart.

"Guess I don't need to ask what this unfinished business is, do I?" He excused himself and moved through into Ryan's room.

After four rings, she got an answer. "Hey, I need to see you."

* * *

It had been threatening rain all morning. The storm clouds were there, hanging around above her, they don't seem willing to go away and somehow it seemed fitting.

She glanced at her watch, annoyed that he was taking his time, making her wait. She finally heard footsteps. She didn't bother to turn around, she knew it was him. "John Carter makes an appearance." She wasn't sure why she was thinking about that moment right now, there was no real reason for her to do so.

"Abigail Lockhart sits alone." He slid onto the bench beside her, following her lead and staring out over the river. "I was surprised when you called."

"I was surprised when Susan told me you'd moved back to Chicago."

"Yeah, I probably should have mentioned that."

"Would have been nice." He couldn't have been surprised Susan had passed on that particular information. If they'd learned anything from this entire situation it had to be that Susan couldn't keep a secret.

"So you got everything all packed up?"

She knew he was attempting small talk but she wasn't in the mood. It certainly wasn't the reason she'd asked him here. "I meant what I said, about wanting you to be a part of Ryan's life."

"I kinda hoped you did. Even after I destroyed your marriage."

"You kinda wrecked it before it even got to marriage status."

"Guess so. I'm sorry bout that."

"No, you're not."

"No, I'm really not. You'd have been miserable with Dave."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because you don't love him."

"You know you really can't claim credit for all this."

"But come on, I did play a major part in your decision, right? Give me that much."

She shook her head and opted for a change of topic. "I'm still just kinda hoping you don't plan on suing for custody." It wasn't a conversation she wanted to have with him and she was just hoping to get some assurances that that wasn't his master plan.

"Surprisingly I never planned on taking Ryan away from you. I'd never do that."

"I'm thinking you would."

"Well maybe sue for joint custody."

"You still considering that?"

"Depends on if we can be civil without me doing."

"Apart from the whole moving to Boston thing, you won't have any more trouble from me. As long as you don't mind the constant flying up there whenever you want to see Ryan."

"That's why I moved back to Chicago, save on air miles."

"You having any luck finding a job back here?"

"I've been giving some thought into setting up my own practice."

"You can certainly afford it."

"Yeah. Guess I just fancy working for myself for a while."

"More flexible working hours. Guess I should expect to see a lot of you in Boston then."

"Don't worry, I'll always call ahead before jumping on a plane."

"That'd be nice." She couldn't think of anything else to say that wouldn't lead them into trouble so she waited for him to think of something.

Thankfully he did. "So everything organised for tomorrow?"

"Pretty much. I left Dave in charge. See if he has any more luck getting Susan to help than I did."

"I could come up to Boston this week, help you unpack."

"John, I need some time, space, just me and Ryan for a while. Not just from you. I've banned Susan and Dave from visiting for at least a month." She hadn't, not yet anyway, but it was something she was going to make a point of doing now that she'd thought of it.

"Does it seem weird to you that the last time we were here, I was the one leaving town?"

"A little I guess. I'm just glad that it's me going this time and you're the one stuck here in Chicago."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with Chicago. I give you three months of Boston, then you'll be back."

"At least there's one thing you and Dave agree on."

"I think there's actually a few things we agree on. Wasn't that the problem?"

"Dave won't be letting Ryan forget his Chicago roots. He bought him a Bulls cap already." Her comment made him fall silent again and she wished she'd stop dropping Dave's name into the conversation quite so much.

"Do you think we're giving up too easy?"

It took her a while to think of an answer. "No. This wasn't the easy choice. If we gave up too easy it was when you left for LA, that was when we should have fought for us, made it work. We've missed our chance, Carter. Now we just need to salvage something for Ryan's sake."

"This isn't about us any more, is it?"

"Nope, everything's gotta be about Ryan from now on. It should have been from the second he was born, but I guess I kinda forgot that."

"You're not the only one if it makes you feel better."

"The opposite actually. Just makes me realise how pretty much everyone's neglected him. We've all been too busy with our own problems to even give him much thought."

"Guess we should be thankful we've got a chance to fix things then."

"Guess we should."

There was silence again and she tried to think of an excuse to leave but he beat her to it. "I need to be heading off, I've got somewhere to be."

She suspected he's lying about that, but it was as good an excuse as any to leave things as they are. "Yeah, I should get back anyway, see if anything's actually been packed in my absence."

"I'd guess not."

"Yeah, me too."

He glanced towards the steps, his escape route from this conversation. "Call me, when you're ready, and I'll jump on a plane."

She nodded. "I know you will."

Thankfully he left it at that and walked away, practically running up the steps. She guessed he was as relieved as she was that that discussion was over with. She watched until he was out of sight, then stared at the water for a while. Those black clouds had finally started to move on, blowing away to the south. Towards Maggie and she suddenly found herself wondering how long it would be until she grew bored of the peace and quiet and chose to invite that particular chaos back into their lives. After all she never had learned how to keep things simple.


End file.
